Author: Sapphire (e-mail: telcontar@dunedain-of-the-north.de)
Title: Butterfly Dreams
Copyright (c) April 1998 Petra Berghofer
Short synopsis: When Daniel wakes up in a hospital he is faced with the possibility that the life he had lived for the last two years might have been nothing but a dream.
Mentioning of 'Stargate: The Movie' and 'The Brocca Devided'
For those who need to have a time frame, I place that story shortly before the first season episode 'Cor-Ai'.
Legal stuff: Stargate SG-1 doesn't belong to me. *Sigh*. I think it belongs to Double Secret Production, Gekko Production, MGM, Showtime and some other people I've never met. I borrowed the guys (and Samantha) for my, and hopefully your, enjoyment only for a short while and don't plan to make any money with them. Though I do have some more ideas for them, I return them for now.
A short warning: My native language is German, not English. I try, but there might be some weird grammatical constructions or strange usage of words. I had two people beta for me (thanks Becky and Katie), but if something slipped through their net, this is fully my fault. Comments, criticism and blue/gray eyed linguists are more than welcome.
Daniel Jackson in 'There But For The Grace Of God'
Voices. Unfamiliar voices. They were talking, but Daniel couldn't make out a word. He tried to concentrate, to understand, but somehow he couldn't. He was tired. Oh so tired.
For a while, he drifted in darkness. There he was safe, there nobody could hurt him.
But why would anybody want to hurt him? He had harmed no one and so nobody had any reason to harm him.
Thinking hurt his head, and so he decided to stop thinking for a while.
* * *
"Dr. Jackson!"
The voice belonged to a woman, and was soft and gentle and utterly unfamiliar.
"Dr. Jackson," the voice repeated a little bit more insistently.
He was lying on his back. The surface beneath him was soft -- a bed most likely. The air smelled of disinfectant. A hospital? He tried to remember ....
"Dr. Jackson," the voice said once more.
He wanted to open his eyes, but his eyelids seemed to be made out of lead.
The woman sighed, then he heard the rustling of clothing as somebody moved around in the room. A door opened and closed again.
"How is our patient today?" a second voice, this time male, inquired. This voice was somehow familiar, but he couldn't place it right now.
The first voice hesitated for a second.
"I was sure he was about to wake up a moment ago. He sleeps a awful lot. And when he is awake he does not do or say much."
"This is his way of coping with the world. What happened to him was a very traumatic experience. At first he slipped into a dream world. He simply ignored what he had done and created a world where he had success and found love. But slowly and steadily we manage to bring him out of there. And with our help, he will soon realize what really happened."
What was that guy talking about? Where was he anyway? What had happened?
"It is only ... . He is still so young, Dr. Hammond." It was the voice of the woman again.
"He will be fine."
He tried to follow more of the conversation, but again he felt extremely tired. Before he knew it, he slipped back to that place that was dark and warm and safe.
* * *
It was a hand on his right arm what woke him up the next time. The hand did something to the inside of his elbow and before he really knew what was going on, he instinctively tried to tear his arm away.
His eyes flew open and he looked into the face of a young, brunette woman wearing the white uniform of a nurse. She held a hypodermic in her hand, the tip of the needle glittering in the cold light of the overhanging fluorescent lamps. Without really knowing why, he tried to get as far away from the woman as possible, only there was no place to go.
He glanced around wildly. He was in a small room which clearly belonged to a hospital of some sort. To his left was a bare white wall devoid of any decoration. Between the bed and the wall was a white cart with a pitcher and a glass on top of it. On the other side of the bed stood a cheap plastic chair and behind it was the door to a wall closet. No weapons, no way to escape.
The young woman was clearly startled by his reaction. When she noticed the fearful look he gave the hypodermic in her hand, she quickly hid it behind her back. She stretched her other hand out in a calming gesture.
"I will not hurt you, Dr. Jackson."
"Who are you? Where am I?" This was clearly not the infirmary of the Cheyenne Mountain Complex, and also not the hospital in the small village close by. He knew both places very well, the first one better than the second one, though he had spent some time at the second one as well. Stargate traveling had never been a very safe job and approximately every other trip, he or one of the others in the team ended up in a sickbed.
This time something must have happened again. He felt stiff all over. His head pounded as if it would explode any minute. However, a quick once over didn't reveal any obvious wounds.
"My name is Jamie Beeks."
For a moment he had almost forgotten the presence of the nurse. He turned to face her.
"I am your nurse here. You are a patient at the Orange County General Hospital. Do you remember what happened?"
"Orange County as in Los Angeles Orange County?"
The nurse nodded.
"Do you remember how you got here?"
"I haven't been to LA in two years," Daniel said, more to himself than to the nurse. Then he concentrated again on the brunette woman. "How did I get here?"
The woman hesitated.
"If you do not know the answer, I had better get the doctor. I will be back in a moment."
Before he could stop her, she had left the room.
Daniel had little time to think about how he got here, what he was doing here, and, for that matter, where 'here' really was, before the door opened again and an older man with a receding hairline entered the room. He wore white pants and a plain white polo shirt. Around his neck he had slung a stethoscope that he now pulled down. Though the outfit was all wrong, Daniel knew this man very well.
"General Hammond!" he called out, relieved to be seeing a familiar face.
For a second, the general looked puzzled.
"Excuse me. I do not know what you are talking about. I am Doctor Hammond, your physician. I am not a general." The last was said with a slight smile.
Now Daniel was utterly confused. If this man said he was not General Hammond ... He looked closer and discovered now several tiny differences between this man and the general. For one thing, he instantly disliked that guy, while for the general he had developed over time a grudging respect.
"What's going on?" he put his confusion into words. Something was terribly wrong here.
"You do not remember?"
"Remember what?"
The general ... doctor sighed. "What *is* the last thing you remember?"
//Going through the Stargate. A new planet. Alien looking buildings close by. Something moving overhead. A green light. Jack crumpling to the ground ...//
"Nothing ... " Daniel couldn't tell this man about Stargates and travels to faraway planets. The doctor would probably think he was an escapee from a loony bin. But then, considering the position and the place Daniel was in, he might very well be an inmate in one.
For a moment Hammond looked at the wall behind Daniel, then his eyes returned to his patient.
"Do you know who you are?"
"Of course I know who I am. Why shouldn't I? What is going on here?" Each question was asked with greater urgency.
"I am sorry, but I cannot tell you this now. So, do you remember your name?" The doctor tried to project a calm aura, but Daniel wasn't calmed by it in any way. His heart beat a staccato rhythm in his chest.
"Why do you want to know my name? I'm fairly sure you know already!"
Hammond inclined his head. "The question is not if I know your name. The question is, do you?"
Daniel gave up. What harm could be done if he told this man his name? At least it would prove to them that he hadn't lost his memory or something like that. "Jackson, Dr. Daniel Jackson," he said in a flat voice. "What happened?"
The doctor -- for now Daniel decided to think of Hammond as of a doctor -- closed his eyes for a second.
"There had been an ... incident. As a consequence you were brought to this facility and have been here ever since."
"What kind of incident?" Daniel asked quietly. Suddenly a cold lump of fear formed into his stomach. He had a bad feeling. A very bad feeling.
"What is the last thing you remember?"
"You asked that before, and I already told you that I remember nothing."
"Do you know where you are?"
"The nurse said this is the Orange County General Hospital. But I don't understand how I could get here. I haven't been in LA for almost two years."
The doctor nodded, though Daniel couldn't say if this was because he thought it good that Daniel knew where he was, or because of the two years he had mentioned.
"Daniel, I know that what I am about to say might come as a shock to you, but you have spent the last two years here, mostly in this room."
"I did what?" Daniel couldn't believe what he heard. This couldn't be. He couldn't have spent the last two years here. He had been to Abydos and countless other worlds, not locked up in some kind of institution. Though sometimes he had thought that what had happened to him was like a dream -- a wild and crazy dream -- he knew that it been real. "This can't be true."
"Daniel, I know it is hard to accept for you. We have been here before, and I promise you that you will fell better afterwards. But you remember your name this time and this is a promising sign."
This didn't make any sense. Nothing here did. He needed information.
"What have I supposedly done?" he asked carefully. He had the feeling he wouldn't like the answer to that question. But if he wanted to know what was going on, he needed that answer.
"I do not know if I should answer that question yet. You have only been off the medication for a short time. We can have a session in the afternoon and then we can see what else you remember." The doctor turned and was about to leave.
But Daniel couldn't let him go that easily. Ignoring the 'off the medication' remark for the moment he pleaded, "Doctor, I *have* to know!"
Hammond stopped just inside the door, then he turned back to Daniel. He sighed deeply then he nodded slowly. "Okay, maybe it is a mistake, but maybe it is a good idea. It might help you remember quicker this time." He collected himself. "Two years ago you held a speech in the Scottish Rite Temple in front of an audience of renowned scientists and archeologists. The speech did not go well; in fact, you were thrown out of the conference. Later that day you returned with a bomb strapped to your body. You demanded that you be heard, else you threatened to set off the bomb. You held the participants of the conference hostage for 23 hours, until you had a breakdown. Then you were brought here and you have not left the building in the last two years."
The doctor hesitated for a moment in the door way. Daniel's mouth had dropped open and he stared at the doctor with wide eyes.
"We will talk about this in the afternoon. I have to go now."
He turned and left the room.
Daniel couldn't believe what he had just heard. He supposedly had strapped a bomb to his body and held people hostage? Just because a speech hadn't gone well?
He took his head in his hands, massaging temples that had begun to throb violently.
All this was madness.
He couldn't stay in the bed any longer. Ignoring that his feet were bare, he began to pace. He hadn't much room, just three wide steps from one white wall to the other, but it was better than nothing. Daniel's muscles were stiff from underuse, and it felt good to move.
While he paced he tried to figure out what all this could be about. It was simply not possible that he was in a hospital in LA. The last time he remembered he hadn't even been on the planet Earth. He still remembered SG-1's trip to P3x826.
**********
//The glowing surface of the active Stargate filled the embarkation room with shimmering light. Teal'c and Carter had already gone through the 'Gate, taking the little electronic car that carried their equipment with them. Jack hung back a little waiting for him to catch up.
He himself had been late. He hadn't heard the alarm clock in the morning, having worked on a translation till late in the night, and had had to rush to SGC only half awake. On his way he realized that he had forgotten to take his antihistamines before leaving, and had to take a little detour to Dr. Fraiser's office to ask her for the medication. Luckily, as this was not the first time this happened, Dr. Fraiser had his brand in stock, so he reached the embarkation room only a couple of minutes late.
As he ran up the ramp he cast an apologetic look at O'Neill, who only lifted a disapproving eyebrow. At least Jack had given up on giving Daniel a lecture each time he didn't follow the strict O'Neill code of punctuality.
Then they went through the Stargate.
As always the trip could be best described as a wild roller coaster ride -- except that neither Disneyland nor Six Flags would ever be able to come up with something half as crazy as this one. Jack had once joked that they should charge an entrance fee and that that would cut their costs in half. Only, of course, they couldn't do anything like that as the Stargate project was top secret.
After O'Neill and Daniel had passed the 'Gate it disengaged.
The planet they arrived on looked at first glance almost like Earth, with a blue sky and a yellow sun. The Stargate stood not far away from a small town. The buildings were not tall, two stories at the most. Nobody seemed to be around.
While Teal'c checked the vicinity for any danger, Carter saw to it that their equipment had made it through the 'Gate in one piece. Daniel moved over to the Dial Home Device that stood only a few steps away from the 'Gate and checked it over. After they'd had some problems a while ago with a DHD that was damaged, Daniel liked to make sure that they wouldn't encounter any problems when it was time for them to get back home. He identified the point of origin on the DHD and filed it away for future use.
"Okay, the DHD seem to be okay. What are we going to do now?" he asked no one in particular.
"Now we explore. Any ideas on the type of buildings over there? And why there doesn't seem to be any people around?" Jack made a waving gesture into the general direction of the town.
Daniel looked at the buildings and began to walk in that direction. In his mind the first reference already popped up. The buildings didn't seem to be very old; in fact, they looked rather new. The white of the walls showed no signs of being affected by the weather or anything else, as if somebody had painted them only a couple of days ago. From the flat roofs and small windows that kept the cold in during the hot hours of the they day, Daniel was reminded of Mexican haciendas.
"Hey, what's that?" Carter's shout made him turn around.
A humming sound, like that of a large, angry insect filled the air. He spotted something flying in their direction, though he couldn't make out any form and size yet.
"Get your weapons ready." O'Neill! If there was one thing Daniel could be certain about, it was that O'Neill would consider shooting at something strange first, before he could ask any questions.
It wasn't so much that Jack shoot blindly at everything that moved -- but his top priority was, and always would be, to get his team safely back home. If that included shooting something potential hostile, then he would do it.
Daniel, on the other hand, wanted to learn. And dead people usually didn't answers too many questions. Besides, shooting first was usually not the best way to make friendly contact with the people whose world they visited. But then he understood that being killed by said people wasn't a good way to get answers either, maybe with the exception of the one question whether they were friendly or not.
For the moment Daniel let the buildings be buildings, and went to where the others were moving. The humming sound had been getting louder and louder and the flying things had been coming closer as well. Now he could make out two round disks that moved through the air without any visible means of propulsion. On each disk sat two humanoid forms.
Now the first one was so close that Daniel could see that the people here looked very similar to the people of Earth. So this was most likely one of the many, many places where the Goa'ulds had relocated humans from one place or another on Earth.
Before the others could do something stupid, he stepped forward and raised his hands to show that he hold no weapons.
"Daniel!" came O'Neill's voice from behind.
Before the colonel could say what he thought of Daniel's rushing into action, a green light shot out from the first disk, followed a second later by a second such light from the other vehicle. //
**********
And that was the last thing he remembered before he had woke up here.
Okay, he thought, what could have happened? He was a scientist and as a scientist he should be able to think his way through this problem.
All in all, there were two possibilities. Either what the doctor had said was true and he really had flipped out big time, only he hadn't been able to cope with it and created a fantasy world for himself, a world with Stargates and Sha're and his friends.
Or all this here was one big lie, created by somebody else for a reason he could not fathom.
But how? Everything here sounded and smelled and felt real! The hum of the air conditioning overhead and the slamming of a door close by sounded real. The distinct odor of disinfectants and hospital smelled real. And the floor beneath his feet and the clothing he wore, it felt oh so real.
What could be the possible explanation for that?
Suddenly tired he stopped his pacing and leaned his forehead against the cold wall of the room.
There was no explanation.
Slowly he slid down the wall, buried his head in his hands and softly began to cry.
* * *
Lunch had been a boring event. Nurse Jamie had brought him a tray with food and left him alone again. At first he pondered if it was a good idea to eat what had been offered. After all, there was the possibility that the food was drugged in some way, but then he decided that regaining his strength was more important. If they gave him drugs here, they could do it in other ways than through the food.
He had calmed down a little from his previous breakdown and decided that for now he would play along with whatever they dished out. He *knew* that the last two years hadn't be a dream. Sha're and Skaara, Jack and Sam and Teal'c, they were all real, and their friendship was real as well. There was no way he could have imagined all of that.
But there was no way for him to prove it here. The Stargate project was top secret and nobody in the outside world knew about it. If he was indeed in LA he couldn't say anything to the people here. Even if he somehow persuaded them that it was real, and he somehow managed to bring them to the Cheyenne Mountain Complex -- which he wouldn't -- the people there would deny anything. The people here seemed to have some knowledge about the whole thing, though how they could have gotten this information was beyond him.
He needed information and in here, he couldn't get any.
He had to get out of here. That much was clear. The how was another matter altogether.
The door of his room had no door handle on the inside and if he wanted to get outside he had to ring a signal to alert the nurse's station. He had been outside once before lunch but aside from a long, white corridor with many white doors there had been nothing to see.
The half hour after lunch before his appointment with Dr. Hammond, he spent staring at the wall. Not that the wall was overly interesting, but there was little else he could do.
Jamie Beeks picked him up and led him to a door that sported the name Dr. George Hammond, MD on a golden plate. She knocked and announced him, then she left him alone after ushering him into the office.
Daniel had spend many hours of his youth in the offices of psychologists. His parents had died when he was ten years old. As there had been no close relatives -- or distant relatives for that matter -- he had been placed in an orphanage until somebody had been willing to foster him. He had very little memory of the orphanage other than it had been a place full of other kids who had little use for a boy who loved to read and would rather spend every waking hour buried in his books instead of playing.
There had been one counselor whom Daniel remembered best, a tall and imposing man. As Daniel recalled, he had been very afraid of him in the beginning. Dr. Manley had dark and piercing eyes, his eyebrows had been bushy and also very dark. It was as if he had leaped out of a horror fantasy book right into that comfort chair he always sat in. But it didn't take Daniel long to find out that Dr. Manley really cared for the kids he counseled. Behind those dark eyes lived the soul of a very kind man, a man with a heart so big it could hold every child in the world. It was in the arms of that man that he finally had allowed himself to cry for his parents, and Dr. Manley had held him and whispered soothing words and had been there for him.
Doctor Hammond was almost the complete opposite of Dr. Manley, and his office had nothing in common with the warm and sunlit room Daniel remembered. Though in both offices large bookshelves lined the walls, here they somehow made an impersonal impression. Daniel couldn't quite place how this could be, he usually felt right at home when he was surrounded by books, but he didn't here.
Maybe it had to do with the person sitting in the chair behind the large desk.
Though Dr. Hammond looked in almost every detail like the general Daniel respected very much, the doctor projected nothing of the warmth and concern the general showed towards his subordinates. He seemed to be cold and impersonal.
The doctor indicated a chair in front of the desk.
"Do you want to sit down, Daniel?"
Daniel gave the impression that he pondered the question seriously, then he nodded and sat down.
The doctor consulted some notes on his desk, then he looked up again.
"How do you feel at the moment, Daniel?"
"Aren't you the doctor, doctor? Shouldn't you be the one telling me how I feel?"
The doctor smiled shortly, though the smile never reached his eyes.
"You have to talk to me, Daniel. I might be the psychologist, but I cannot read your mind. So, please, tell me how do you feel?"
'Sure all of this is a large, unbelievable, crazy setup to drive me into madness. Sure you are a hoax and everything here is a hoax.' But Daniel said nothing of this. He had set himself the task to persuade 'them' -- whoever they might be -- that he bought into their game.
"I'm ... confused." Well, this was the truth after all. "I can't see myself doing what you told me I did." Still the absolute truth. "But all this here ... it feels real to me."
"This is a very encouraging sign, Daniel. You are accepting that what you thought you did the last two years might have been happening all in your mind. We will talk about it and I will show you why you made up this Stargate and the travels to other worlds that you told me about."
"I spoke to you about it?" The whole Stargate project was top secret, and he couldn't imagine telling anybody about it. Oh, he had thought more than once about going public. After all, the Stargate and what he had seen by traveling through it had been the proof for the theories he had developed over the years. But the military wouldn't let him do it, to begin with, and then he was not sure that the rest of the world was ready for it. Sometimes he was not sure that he was ready for it.
"Of course you did. You have been my patient for almost two years now. This is the fifth time you have come out of your dream world and we will see that this time you will stay here with us."
Daniel didn't know if he wanted to 'stay with them'. But that wasn't something he could tell the doctor. Or maybe he should.
"What if I don't want to be here?"
"This is a very good question, Daniel. Why should you want to be here? Here only misery and sorrows and loneliness awaits you. You do not want to be here. That is the reason you created this world with the Stargates and everything."
There was little Daniel could say about that.
"All right, let us go back to the beginning." Again the doctor consulted his notes. "Do you remember the conference in Los Angeles and the speech you held there? I think the title went something like 'The Development of the Egyptian Language from the Archaic Period to the Old Kingdom'
Daniel only nodded. That was the conference where everything had begun. Just after his presentation, Catherine Langford had stepped up to him and offered him a job. A job that had led him to the Stargate, through it and beyond.
"It is my understanding that your presentation did not go that well."
Daniel nodded again.
"Well, yes. My audience ran out on me. Guess there was an early lunch break," he tried a feeble joke.
"This speech of yours. It was very important to you?"
"You could say that." His presentation should have been his renewal, his re-acceptance into the academic 'community'. Instead they had laughed at him.
"You are taking this very calmly, Daniel. There you were, giving the most important speech in your life. Yet, you get laughed at, nobody believed you and you just accept that?"
"After that speech I got an offer..."
The doctor shock his had as if saddened at what he heard. "No, Daniel, you did not get an offer to work for the Stargate project. You went back to the conference and held 17 colleagues of yours hostage for 23 hours!"
"I can't believe that!" He couldn't stay in his chair any longer. He had to move. So he got up and began to pace. "I'd never do something like that. I wouldn't even know where to get a bomb to begin with!"
Since he had joined SG-1 he had learned a lot about explosives and weapons and hand grenades, more than he had ever wanted to know in his life. He had learned the hard way, knowing that he couldn't afford to let the rest of SG-1 have to look out for his butt, while they were searching for Sha're. And staying behind was not an option. But before that, he had never fired a gun in his life.
"Daniel, you are an intelligent man. Please try to understand what I tell you now. You could not cope with the fact that your colleagues did not want to hear you. You had no proof whatsoever for your theories. So your mind, after doing what you had done, created an illusion, a fantasy world where your theories were proven and where you found love and happiness. You told me about your Sha're, your Egyptian princess. If she is not a dream girl, I do not know what one is. She is beautiful, smart and head over heels in love with you. Someone like that cannot be real! So you had to lose her again."
For a moment Daniel had to lean against one of the bookshelves. He closed his eyes and saw her face, so beautiful, so real. He almost could smell the scent of her hair in the morning, hear her voice.
"Daniel, why are you so quiet? Am I right?"
Daniel couldn't take it anymore.
"Yes, you are right, I found her and loved her and lost her again! Are you happy now?" he all but screamed at the man.
Dr. Hammond flipped his notebook shut.
"It is not about me, Daniel. It is about you. That will be all for today. Thank you." He stood up and opened the door for Daniel.
Daniel, emotionally drained after his outburst, slowly walked out. Outside he was greeted again by Nurse Beeks, who led him back to his room. There he flopped down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, too exhausted to cry or to think.
* * *
After a couple of days Daniel's life had found a kind of rhythm. After breakfast, he would attend a group session with four other guys. Usually he wouldn't say a word, but this seemed to be fine with the others, who weren't really talkative themselves. The psychologist who led the group, a Doctor Basil, tried to coax him into talking, but Daniel simply refused. After five minutes, the doctor usually gave up.
After the group therapy, he was free to roam the hallways and corridors, but there wasn't really much to roam. Through careful exploring and talking to some of the other patients, he found out that the institute was shaped like the letter 'Y'. In the longest arm of the 'Y' were the offices of the doctors and the nurses' rooms and the therapy rooms. Where the three arms connected, there was an open hallway where everybody who was free to leave his room spent his time. If somebody didn't eat in his room, then there was also the place to have lunch or dinner. The two short arms of the 'Y' were reserved for the rooms of the patients, his own room almost on the end of the right hand corridor.
Daniel figured that almost 40 patients were treated at the same time, though he only got to see maybe half of them, as the others were confined to their rooms.
The Orange County Mental Health Clinic, as this place was called, was several stories below ground, though how deep nobody knew. The only way off this floor that Daniel could detect was by two elevators that were situated behind a guard's station at the end of the longest corridor. Everybody who wanted to go to the elevators had to pass two doors that were guarded day and night.
After three days he had worked out a way to get out of his room during the night -- the only time of the day when an escape seemed to have the slightest chance -- but he still wasn't sure how to get past the guard and to the elevators.
At twelve thirty each day lunch was served, usually a fairly unimpressive event. As Daniel took great care to behave like a good little patient, he was permitted to lunch in the hall. It was an honor he could have done without, though it gave him the opportunity to observe that the others got exactly the same food he got, so unless they were drugging everybody through the food, it was safe to eat it.
In the afternoon of each day, another session with Dr. Hammond was scheduled. It was these sessions that took the most out of him, leaving him usually emotionally drained. The doctor was good, and if Daniel hadn't known that his life the past two years had been real, he would have begun to buy into the doctor's arguments. Daniel had no idea how the doctor could have acquired all his knowledge about Stargate Command and their travels to far away planets. But more disturbing was the way that he took each of SG-1's adventures and twisted them in such a way that it made perfect sense that Daniel had made them up.
If Daniel hadn't known better he might have begun to doubt the truth.
What helped to solidify his faith was that each night he had dreams about the team. He was not able to really recall what happened in those dreams, but each time he woke up, he knew that the others somehow had called out to him, but that he had not been able to come to them.
It was the afternoon of the fifth day before he finally got a break. He had just returned from another session with Dr. Hammond, and he was ready to crawl into a hole. Once or twice he had caught himself wondering if it was possible that what the doctor had said was the truth. He was running out of arguments to persuade himself, and it was becoming more and more of a temptation to simply give in and accept what he had been told.
He sat in a plastic chair in the hall, his elbows on the table, his head buried in his hands. With his thumbs he slowly massaged his temples in the faint hope that once, only once, the headache that had been plaguing him since he had awaken here would go away.
Suddenly a commotion broke out in the left hand corridor. Two guards and a male nurse ran in the direction where a man yelled at the top of his lungs.
Daniel almost leaped out of his chair.
He knew that voice!
Without thinking he followed the nurse to a room where a man fought like a tiger with the two guards. Though he wore a straight-jacket, he managed to knock down the first of the guards, but then the other pinned him against the wall of his room.
"Jack!" Daniel had no idea if he had whispered the name or screamed it.
Before Daniel could do anything, the nurse had pulled out a hypodermic and plunged the needle in Jack O'Neill's exposed neck. Daniel wanted to jump the nurse, somehow reverse the action he just had taken, but it was too late. Instead he did nothing.
For a second it seemed as if the drug had no effect on O'Neill. He continued to fight and only the combined strength of the two men kept him in place. His eyes were darting around wildly. Suddenly they fell on Daniel and stayed there for a short eternity. Then they closed and Jack's body slipped slowly to the ground.
"That is it, people. The show is over. Go back to your rooms."
Only now Daniel realized that most of the other patients had been gathering around him. When they saw that nothing more exciting would be happening, they all trudged slowly back to their rooms or into the hall where they settled into their usual places. Following their example, Daniel also went back to his desk and sat down.
His heart was racing. He was not alone! Jack was here as well. And this could mean only one thing: he had been right all along. And if Jack was here, maybe Sam and Teal'c were here as well.
For the fraction of a second, he pondered the idea that Jack simply might be another patient, here for some reason or another. That when he had conceived the Stargate and everything that went with it, he had taken Jake's face and incorporated him into his fantasy, like Hammond had said he had incorporated him as the general.
But then he pushed that thought aside. Jack had recognized him, he had no doubt about it. And if Jack recognized him, then this was all the proof he needed.
He decided that he would act tonight.
* * *
When he was brought back to his room, Daniel slipped a small piece of plastic he had found the previous day between the door and the door frame. As the door closed, the plastic kept the lock from catching, and when Daniel pulled the door a little it was possible to open it. He closed the door again and went to his bed, lying down. He knew that at around eight p.m., and every two hours after that, the guard made his round. He would open the tiny window in the door and check if the patient was asleep. Then he would move on.
Daniel waited till the guard made his 2 a.m. round. He had planned to sleep in order to conserve energy, but he was much too nervous to close his eyes for longer than two minutes.
After he had heard the guard close the hatch, he counted slowly to three hundred -- in Egyptian -- then he went to the door and put his ear against it.
Nothing.
Slowly he opened the door a little and peeked outside. There was nobody to be seen in the weak light that illuminated the corridor during the night. He took a deep breath, opened the door wider and slipped outside.
Expecting at any moment to hear a call that he should stop, he sneaked along the corridor toward the intersection of the three wings of the building. There he slipped into the other corridor. Seven doors further on he opened the hatch to the peephole in the room behind.
Jack was strapped to the bed. From the door, it was impossible to see if he was still under the influence of the drugs they had given him or if he was awake.
Daniel opened the door and rigged it the same way he had done with his own door. Then he pushed it closed. He tiptoed over to the bed.
"Jack?" he asked softly.
Jack's eyes flew open.
"Daniel!"
A boulder weighting a thousand tons fell off Daniel's heart. He had no idea what would have happened if he had been mistaken and Jack hadn't been Jack after all.
"Boy, I'm glad I've found you. I was ready to think that I've really flipped out and there was a reason they locked me up here." While he spoke he began to untie Jack.
"Well, if you want to have my opinion on that...," Jack quipped with a little smile. Then he turned earnest. "Do you know what happened and have you seen the others?"
At this Daniel had to shake his head.
"The last thing I remember was as we went through the gate and suddenly those flying things showed up. Then I woke up here, and you are the first one of the team I've seen."
Daniel had opened Jack's right hand strap and went to Jack's legs as the colonel worked on his left hand. Soon he was free and he jumped down from the bed.
"Any ideas what could have happened?" Jack asked while he sneaked towards the door.
"I'm not really sure. There is a doctor here, who looks like the general, who tried to tell me that 'Gate traveling and everything what happened the last two years are just a figment of my imagination. He almost had me persuaded," Daniel added in a low voice.
"Hm, they tried the same thing with me. Only I did not cooperate very much."
Jack noted the way Daniel had rigged the door and nodded in approval. Then he opened the door a crack.
"We have to get out of here."
"Do you have an idea what this could be? Why they have locked us up here?" Daniel crouched behind Jack as he peeked down the corridor.
"Either this is some sort of entertainment for them or they, whoever they are, are trying to get some information from us," Jack whispered, slightly absentminded, as he planned their escape.
"But why such an elaborated scheme? They already seem to know an awful lot about us, and then I would think there are simpler ways to get the information they want."
Jack closed the door again and turned back to Daniel.
"I know you would like to know what is going on here -- and I have to admit, I would not mind knowing that myself -- but could we first try to get out of here before we march up to whoever is running this show and ask him?"
"Or, in not so many words, shut up, Daniel, and let's escape."
"You got it!" The last was accompanied by a slight grin.
Jack opened the door again and, followed by Daniel, sneaked out into the corridor.
Daniel was glad that somebody other than him had taken the lead. The last couple of days had put a strain on him and he was only too happy to have someone else taking the initiative. He trusted Jack with his life, and there were not many people he was willing to make that statement about. If there was one person who could get them out of here, it was Jack.
Together they moved towards the intersection of the three corridors, and from there toward the guard station. As they looked through the window into the tiny office, they saw only one guard sitting in a chair, obviously half asleep. Crouching beneath the window, Jack gave Daniel a sign, and the scientist moved back to the intersection to provide a diversion.
Taking a deep breath, Daniel picked up a chair and, with a last glance towards Jack and the guard station, he tipped it over. It made a resounding crash that echoed along the corridor. The guard looked up, startled.
Daniel swayed slowly towards the station, like a patient who was disoriented and not in full control of himself. He saw how the guard reached for something and Daniel could only hope that it wasn't a button to alarm more guards. He tumbled against the corridor wall to urge the guard into getting out of his cubicle.
For a moment it seemed as if time stopped. 'Get out of there!', Daniel mentally prayed. 'Get out!'
Somehow somewhere his prayers were heard.
The guard hesitated a second, then he opened the door to the station and stepped out.
Jack, who had been crouched beside the door, reacted instantly. The guard probably never knew what hit him. With a well-placed chop to his neck, Jack sent him into the land of the dreaming. While Daniel jogged toward him, Jack removed the keys the guard had in his hand and slipped into the small cubicle. There he tried each of the keys on the second door while Daniel pulled the guard into the cubicle and placed him in one corner. There Daniel begun to work him out of his jacket and, that done, he started to remove his pants.
"What are you doing there?" whispered Jack while he tried to get the third key into the keyhole.
"Do you want to run around in your pyjamas? It's bad enough we have to go barefooted, but I doubt sincerely that one of us will fit into his shoes. The pants will be tight enough as it is," Daniel whispered back as he wiggled into the guard's pants. They fit, but only just.
The sixth key unlocked the door at the same moment that Daniel slipped into the jacket. With the cap over his dark blond hair, there was a chance that he might be mistaken for one of the guards. But only if nobody looked at his bare feet.
Together Daniel and Jack moved further down the corridor. Behind the guard's station, the corridor was another thirty feet long and ended in two elevator doors. On the right side, there was another door with the international sign for a stairway.
"We better take the stairs," Jack whispered and opened the door.
Daniel nodded and followed him.
They encountered nobody on their way up. Actually the building seemed to be very quiet as if they were the only two people awake. Okay, it was three in the morning, but still...
When they reached the second floor Jack stopped and opened the door.
"What...?" Daniel began, but then Jack held his hand up.
Through sign language he made clear that Daniel should wait where he was, and that he would be back in a few minutes. Then he slipped into the corridor beyond the door.
The three minutes it took Jack to get back seemed to stretch into eternity. Daniel wasn't so sure what Jack planned, though he had a vague idea what it might be. Still he feared that any second there would be an alarm or a cry that indicated that Jack had been spotted.
When the door opened again, Daniel stood several steps above the exit, ready to jump if somebody else but Jack should come through the door. When he recognized Jack, he sank down on the steps, relieved. The colonel carried over one arm a light coat, a white T-shirt and a pair of pants.
"Why didn't you tell me where you are going?" Daniel hissed in exaggeration.
"I have been gone only for two minutes. Getting new clothing was your idea after all," Jack said quietly. He handed the things he had acquired to Daniel and began to slip out of his pyjamas. "Besides, nobody saw me."
"But somebody could have!" Daniel handed the pants back when Jack held out his hand. "We've been lucky so far, but who knows how long our luck will hold."
Jack stopped in the process of pulling up his pants. For moment he stood there, his right leg hovering in mid-air. Then he slowly finished the movement he had started.
"You know, you are right," he said while he absentmindedly pulled on the T-shirt. "This has been very easy so far. Almost as if they wanted us to get out."
"But why? What possible sense could it make for them to let us escape? This isn't logical. Nothing here is." Daniel looked pleadingly at Jack, who was now leaning against the banister.
The last few days had been among the hardest Daniel had ever experienced. The constant input telling him that what he had thought was his life had been wrong, and that he had supposedly lived a lie, had battered at the walls of his mental defenses. The pounding headache that hadn't left him for a minute and even now was plaguing him, hadn't helped either. Daniel was on the very end of his reserves, almost ready to give up to whoever it was who was playing this mind game with him. The discovery of Jack and their successful escape so far had helped him to restore a little bit of his energy, but not much.
An encouraging smile played around Jack's lips for a short moment. He stretched one hand out and laid it on Daniel's shoulder. O'Neill looked strained as well, but on his face there was a look of determination.
"I do not what know what is going on here any more than you do. Something is not right here. But still I think that we have to get out of here. And if they make it easy for us for some unknown reason, then so be it."
Daniel closed his eyes. He had to think. 'Something is not right here'. Jack was right in that regard. Nothing here was 'right'! Even Jack was somehow not 'right'. Something was different with him, something nagging on the back of Daniel's mind, telling him that he should be careful. But he couldn't put his finger on it.
For one long, terrible moment Daniel thought that he knew what it was. The solution was actually quite simple, come to think of it.
He was imagining all of this!
Actually there was no Colonel Jack O'Neill, and the man he was with in that ill-lit staircase was just a figment of his imagination. An illusion of his quilt-ridden mind. What Dr. Hammond had told him was the truth. He had a mental breakdown and he had created the Stargate system and Sha're and his friends to distract him from what he had done. This here might look real and it might feel real, but it wasn't!
The pain from the headache rose another notch and he moaned quietly.
"Daniel!" Jack looked down at him with concern in his eyes. "What is the matter?"
Daniel took a deep breath. This was real. He had to believe this. If it wasn't he might as well die, as otherwise he didn't know if he really could call this a life worth living.
"I'm fine, Jack. Let's move." Daniel felt everything but fine, but got up nevertheless.
"You are sure?" Jack asked quietly.
"No, but let's go anyway."
They went up the last flight of stairs and opened the door. Whatever the two men had expected to find there, it was certainly not an abandoned-looking warehouse.
"What...?" Daniel looked around open-mouthed, for once at a loss for words.
Jack shushed Daniel. He opened the door a little more and slipped into the empty room. Daniel followed on his heels. This time he wouldn't stay behind while Jack did reconnaissance. The colonel cast a glance behind, then he accepted Daniel's decision without a word.
The room didn't seem to be very large, but was stuffed full of crates from the floor up to the ceiling. Between the crates, a small path was kept free and it was there that Jack walked along. The path wound around several corners until the door they had come through had vanished out of sight.
Soon they came to another door that led to the outside as they found out when they opened it without difficulties. Still nobody seemed to be around.
It was a calm night. Stars sprinkled a velvet black sky without a moon. Only on second glance it was obvious that the constellations weren't the ones Daniel knew from the planet Earth. The buildings around them looked very much like ones that Daniel had seen when they had arrived on that planet he remembered before he woke up in that hospital.
"We are not on Earth," Jack stated as they slipped into a narrow alley.
"So I've noticed. You know what that means?" Daniel said, relief evident in his voice. Finally he had the proof he had needed that what he had known to be true -- his life on Abydos, the year of travel through the Stargates and the friendship he shared with the others from the SG-1 team -- was in fact the reality.
"That back there was some sort of set-up," Jack said. "Though I am still not really sure why they did it."
"Maybe they wanted to brain-wash us. I have to admit I was very close to believing what they told me."
"Me too. They have worked this out very carefully." Jack looked around. "We better see that we find the Stargate and get home as soon as possible," he changed the topic.
"What's about Sam and Teal'c? For all we know they could be somewhere around here." He made a gesture back at the building they just left.
Jack shook his head. "First we have to see that we get out of here. We have no weapons, no support. We get back home and then we will come back with help. We will find them."
Daniel had nothing to say to that. But still... A familiar feeling of wrongness washed through him. Having found the way back to reality just minutes ago, he should feel better. But he didn't.
"Come!" Jack ordered and began to walked along the small street.
Daniel had no choice but to follow Jack.
While they moved through the dark night Daniel began to think. He wished desperately that what was happening now was the truth, the reality. But why did he still feel like he was in a dream...or rather a nightmare? Could it be that his darkest fear was true, that he was still imagining things? What proof did he have to the contrary? If he had been able to think up something like the Stargate system and Abydos, why not think up something like this escape with Jack? Could he ever be sure that he was who he thought he was? How did that old Chinese saying go? 'I've dreamed I've been a butterfly. But couldn't it be that I'm a butterfly who dreams it is a man?'
"Jack?"
"Shush!"
"Jack," Daniel repeated more urgently.
The colonel stopped. "What?"
"Do you think this is real?"
"What?"
"Do you think this is real?" Daniel asked once again.
"Why do you think this is not real?"
"I don't know. It's just that I'm thinking that it might be possible that this here is not real. Like in a dream or something." As he said it he realized how absurd it sounded. But still...
Jack sighed. "Do you need a real kick in the butt to show you that I am real? How about we just escape and sort out if we really escaped or not later?"
Daniel smiled. This was the just the reaction he would have expected from Jack. But if Jack was a figment of his imagination wouldn't he make him say just that? This was driving him crazy.
Or, maybe he already was.
Before he could begin to dwell on these thoughts, Jack took him by the arm and pulled him forward.
"I think I remember that building over there. The Stargate cannot be that far away."
Jack was right. The 'Gate stood not far from the edge of the town on top of a small hill. They stayed in the shadow of the buildings as long as possible, then they dashed across the open space that separated the Stargate and the town.
"Daniel, open the gate, would you?"
Daniel lifted his hand to start dialing in the sequence that would get them home. But then he hesitated.
"Jack?"
"Daniel, would you please open the gate!" The colonel emphasized every word.
"What's about...?" He was about to ask about the transmitter -- or rather the lack of it -- but something held him back. It was a gut feeling, nothing he could really put his finger on, but still...
The whole time since he had freed Jack back in the hospital -- and actually since some time before that -- there had been something that had nagged at the back of his mind. Several somethings actually.
And suddenly all these somethings somehow clicked together in Daniel's head and all these little pieces fell together like a puzzle suddenly making sense.
There was that little fact that since he woke up in that hospital he never once had one of his usually allergy attacks. There hadn't been a day in his life that he had been completely free of them. There was little he wasn't allergic to, grass seeds, dust, cow milk, traveling; if it existed he was probably allergic to it. On Abydos everything had been different, few of the things he usually reacted to existed there, but still he had felt it. Since he had been back on Earth only the antihistamines he took daily kept the allergies at bay. But here...not a sneeze, not a blocked nasal passage. Nothing. And he was fairly sure that he never got any medication in the hospital. Actually, they mentioned medication of any kind only once -- and that only been to tell him that he wasn't getting any anymore.
Another thing was that nobody he had spoken to here had used contractions. Everybody said 'had not' instead of 'hadn't', 'did not' instead of 'didn't' and 'it is' instead of 'it's'. Though it wasn't uncommon that some people had that particular speech pattern, only now Daniel realized that everybody here had it. Everybody, including Jack!
"What about what?" Jack's question pulled him out of his thoughts. He stood closely behind Daniel, as if he couldn't wait for Daniel to punch in the code.
Daniel hesitated. Could it be that Jack wasn't Jack at all? It was not the first time he had entertained that particular thought, but this time he had something to base his doubts on.
"Who are you?" he asked quietly. He turned around and faced the man he had thought of as a friend only moments before.
"What do you mean 'who am I'?"
"I don't know who you are. But I know you are *not* Jack O'Neill."
"But it is me! Who else would I be? What did they do to you back at that place?" He sounded and looked genuinely concerned.
"I think you are just a figment of my imagination." Daniel shook his head as if he felt sorry.
"We do not have time for this, Daniel! The bad guys from back there," he waved into the direction they had came from, "might be coming to look for us any minute. Open the Stargate!"
"You do it." Strange that Jack insisted so much that he should open the gate. Almost as if he didn't know how to do it. Daniel felt very tired. Somehow he had stopped caring.
"Okay, as you wish." Jack pushed Daniel aside.
He was just about to start dialing, when suddenly a commotion broke out behind them. A group of men came out of the cover of the buildings and began to run in their direction. Several of them wore strange looking weapons. And they didn't hesitate in using them.
A green beam slashed into the DHD and made it explode. Jack who stood closer to the alien device caught the brunt of the explosion and got thrown halfway across the space that separated the DHD from the 'Gate. Then he lay there not moving. Daniel couldn't say if he was still alive or not.
But it didn't matter anyway. He was after all not real. If he had been the real Jack O'Neill, Daniel would have worried, but as he wasn't...
He also didn't care that the next volley hit him squarely in the chest. For a fleeting second before he succumbed to the darkness he was surprised that though everything here wasn't real it still hurt like hell.
Then he closed his eyes and simply gave up.
* * *
"Daniel?"
He was cold.
But then, should he feel cold at all? Should he feel anything for that matter? But he clearly felt some sort of cold, slimy stuff sticking to his skin.
A bright light found somehow its way past his closed eye lids and into his brain. His head hurt.
"Somebody get a blanket or something. He's shivering."
He knew that voice. It belonged to Jack. But Jack was not real. So this voice couldn't be real.
"Everything's clear, Colonel. Colonel Timmonds and her team have secured the building and are ready to pull out the moment you give the word." Another familiar voice that wasn't real. "How is he?" The fictive Carter sounded honestly worried.
"He's alive, that's all I can say now. I have no idea what those bastards did to him. He isn't reacting to anything."
Daniel felt something being wrapped around his body. But he didn't stop feeling cold.
"Let's get out of here. Teal'c!"
Two strong arms gathered him up like a baby.
A baby...that was a nice thought. A baby was protected and taken care of.
He just could imagine them. Sam taking point, guarding against any danger coming from ahead. Then Teal'c, carrying him like he weighed nothing. And last, Jack, taking care that nobody followed them. There were other people in uniform and with weapons but to Daniel they were mere shadows. The only people who counted were his friends. It was good to be back among them even if it was only for the duration of the dream.
"Carter, dial us home!"
So, this time his dream included coming home. He liked that.
He opened his eyes a little and looked around. The fictive Carter was just done with dialing the coordinates into the DHD and activated the 'Gate, while the members of SG-4 secured the area. The inner ring of the 'Gate began to move and one after another the chevrons locked into their positions. After the seventh symbol was locked the gate activated with its trademark 'whoosh'.
Teal'c -- or rather the imaginary Teal'c -- quickly moved up the few steps to the gate and walked through.
Daniel could have done without the mad ride that gate travel was, but when he made up something he did good work, he had to admit. It was just like he remembered...or rather had made up before.
Then they were in the gate room of the base. Seconds after he and Teal'c had come through Sam and Jack followed, then SG-4. After them the iris closed and the gate was disengaged.
Teal'c lowered him onto a stretcher. The familiar face of Doctor Fraiser bent over him. She looked worried.
"What happened?" she asked nobody particular.
Jack was the one to answer.
"We don't really know. We found him in a room inside of some sort of glass chamber covered in that goo. They had hooked him up to some machines I've never seen before. I think he is awake, but he doesn't react to anything. Maybe these bastards gave him drugs or something like that." Jack sounded as if he barely could control his urge to go back to that planet and blow everybody there to smithereens.
While Jack spoke, Dr. Fraiser checked Daniel's pulse and blood pressure.
"Okay, we need to get him to the infirmary. I want a complete toxicology report and a test on that substance here as well. SG-1 and SG-4, you all have to go into isolation until we've found out what they did to him and what he might have brought back."
Somebody picked up the stretcher and Daniel was carried through familiar looking corridors to the infirmary of SGC. They drew blood and cleaned him of that slimy stuff that had covered him from head to toe. Then Dr. Fraiser conducted some more tests. After that, somebody wrapped a fresh blanket around him and for the first time since he had awakened in that particular dream he began to feel warm.
Daniel closed his eyes, and soon he was asleep.
When he woke up again, he was still in the infirmary. He liked the thought that he would stay a while longer in that dream. He knew that sooner or later he would wake up again -- really wake up -- in some mental asylum or another, discovering that it had been a dream. But as long as it lasted he might as well enjoy it.
He had to admit that this time he had done an even better work than the last time he created a dream. The last time he had found out that he was in a dream it was only because the people in that dream had spoken without contractions. Here, however, he noticed, they used contractions. Probably a sign that he had learned from his mistakes and made this dream just that much 'realer' than the last one.
But he was sure somewhere there would be other mistakes the people in this dream would make and sooner and later he would find them and then he would wake up again.
Maybe he shouldn't look too hard though. He liked this dream.
The door to the room he was in opened and somebody stepped inside.
"How is our boy?" That could only be General Hammond, the voice at least was right. He was the only one who called everybody in SGC 'boy'. So Daniel had incorporated him as the general again. This was good. He hadn't liked the doctor version of Hammond very much.
"He sleeps a lot, sir." Somebody beside his bed got up from a chair. Only now, Daniel realized that the fictive Jack had been sitting in silent vigil at his side. "Dr. Fraiser says this is good, as it gives his system time to get rid of those drugs they had given him. Sometimes his eyes are open, but he doesn't seem to be aware where he is. He is not reacting to anything."
"Any word on what those drugs have done to him?"
"The doctor said they were some powerful hallucinogens in the mix and that most likely they used that stuff to open him up for mental influence. Captain Carter and Doctor LaFiama think that the chamber where we found him in was some sort of virtual reality machine, and that he experienced a computer generated illusion of some kind. What they made him see there is anybody's guess."
"But wouldn't he know that he was inside a computer program?"
"Not if the program is sophisticated enough. I don't know much about that stuff, but Carter says that it is possible to get lost in VR space."
"So he might still think he's in the computer?" The general sounded shocked.
"He probably never knew that he was in the computer to begin with. At this point it is really hart to tell."
"I'm sure he will pull through. He is a strong man." The general put a hand on Daniel's arm and squeezed gently. Then he left the room again.
"I hope you're right, sir, I really do," Jack said quietly to the closing door.
Before he settled back in his chair he checked Daniel's forehead for a fever. It was such a tender gesture that Daniel almost opened his eyes. But then he reminded himself that this wasn't real -- that nothing here was real -- and he kept his eyes closed. He heard Jack sigh, then the sound of him sitting down.
"Danny, you know I'm not one who usually opens up to everyone. All that mushy stuff is just not my style, and usually I need at least three beers to admit that I'm affected by something in any way. But the doc said that it might be a good idea to talk to you, that it might help you to get out of wherever you are right now. And I really would like it if you would come back to us.
"You know, we started not on the best of terms. Charlie had just died and I hated myself and the whole wide world for it. Sarah tried her best, but she was hurting too much herself and I blamed myself for that as well. Then they came and offered me a way to go out in a blaze of glory. It was perfect and of course I took the opportunity. You...you were only a tool, somebody to use. I didn't care if you had three doctorates or an IQ of 160. All I needed to know was if you could get the job done and get the others on the team back before I bowed out big time.
"And you didn't let us down. You made contact with the Abydonians, and when we were captured by Ra and he wanted you to kill us all, you showed me what stuff you really were made of. That must have taken a hell of a lot of courage, and somehow that courage showed me that there are things worth living for, not only things to die for. You saved me back then in more ways than one, and the smallest price I could pay you for that was to let you stay behind, since it was what you really had wanted."
Daniel heard Jack get up again and began to pace.
"I never really thought I would see you again. The Stargate had been closed and I resigned and, well, that was it. Was fine with me. I've been with the military for...wait...23 years and though the military has given me a lot, it also took a lot from me. But when they came back last summer, and they told me there was something going on with the 'Gate..."
O'Neill stopped here in his musing because somebody knocked softly. He moved over to the door and opened it. Teal'c entered.
"Colonel O'Neill, Doctor Fraiser and Doctor LaFiama would like to have a word with you." Short, crisp, typical Teal'c.
"Okay, I'll be right there."
Daniel expected Jack to walk out of the door, but the colonel hesitated.
"Teal'c?"
"Yes, sir?"
"Do you have anywhere to go right now?"
Teal'c thought about it for minute.
"You would like me to stay with Daniel Jackson while you are gone?"
Daniel didn't see it, but he almost thought he could feel as Jack nodded.
"I think it would be good if one of us would stay with him all time. So, when he wakes up, he won't be alone."
"It will be an honor, sir."
"Thanks, Teal'c." Then Jack left.
Daniel heard how Teal'c settled down in the chair Jack had vacated. Unlike Jack, he didn't say a word, but his quiet presence was a comfort nevertheless. He was like a guard, or rather like a sentinel. He might just be a figment of Daniel's imagination, but he was one that made him feel protected and safe.
However, they were not alone for long. Jack could not have been gone for more than ten minutes when the door to the room was opened again and Samantha Carter stuck her head in.
"Teal'c," she said almost in a whisper.
The tall Jaffa rose from the chair and almost, but not quite, stood at attention.
"Captain Carter?"
The blond Captain slipped inside and closed the door behind herself.
"How is he?" she inquired as she went to Daniel's bedside.
"It is hard to tell if he is awake or not. Sometimes he opens his eyes, but he does not seem to take notice of what is going on around him. Or he does not care." Teal'c went to Sam's side and they both looked down at Daniel.
"Jack's with Dr. Fraiser and Dr. LaFiama," Sam informed the warrior. "They hope he might have seen something in that room where we found Daniel to tell us what really happened to him. Physically he is okay, they say, but something has happened to his mind."
For a moment Teal'c didn't say a word. Then he drew a deep breath.
"It is my fault!" he confessed softly.
The 'What!' in Daniel's mind was almost instantly followed by a "What?" from Sam. She took a step back.
"It is the third time now, I have betrayed Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said, turning away from the bed and facing Sam.
"I can't think of an instant you ever betrayed Daniel. Or any of us," Sam protested.
"It is because of me that Daniel Jackson's wife is now the queen of the Goa'uld and lost to him. I was the one who picked her out of all the other women in Apophis' harem."
"But you had no choice. You didn't even know us back then. No matter who you would have chosen, somebody would have lost a loved one. I think you more than made up for it when you chose to save our lives afterwards. We all would be dead and you would still be in Apophis' service."
"Maybe, but still..."
"Teal'c," Sam shut him up. "There was nothing you could have done back then. Ask Danny when he awakes. I'm sure he never blamed you for it."
Actually Daniel had never thought about it. But Sam was right. Ultimately the choice hadn't been Teal'c's, it had been Apophis' and the Goa'uld's that took Sha're's body and it was them he hated for that. He almost opened his mouth to say just that when he remembered that this Teal'c was not real.
Teal'c spoke up again.
"Then there was the time on P3x797. When we both went back to get the blood samples from the Untouched, I left him behind when we were attacked, and he was caught by the Touched. I should have gone back for him to rescue him, to save him from that fate."
"There you had no choice as well. Without those blood samples you had to get from the Untouched, there would have been no way we could have found a treatment for that plague. It could have been the death of all of us -- or rather, if not death, something far worse than that. You had to put the greater good of the many before the safety of one person. Besides, knowing Daniel, he probably did enjoy playing caveman for a few hours," Sam quipped, but Teal'c didn't react to that joke.
"And now I left him behind again," Teal'c continued as if he hadn't heard Carter's argument.
"If you hadn't shot that one glider down and hadn't gotten us back through the gate, we all would have been in Daniel's situation. There would have been no way any one of us would have gone home. And we wouldn't have been able to get back there and get Daniel out."
"I betrayed him," Teal'c said once more, even firmer than before.
"No, you didn't betray him. You betrayed nobody. You did what you had to do and you went back the first chance you had. I'm sure Daniel would tell you the same thing. He thinks of you as a friend, as do all of us. And do you believe he would think so if he thought you had betrayed him in any way?"
"I will let Daniel Jackson be the judge of that."
They both turned and looked at Daniel. Daniel almost could feel their eyes on him as a physical sensation. Once more he had to remind himself that all this was just a dream and that he would wake up soon in that mental institution as a patient among many others. He couldn't risk to believe this was real. Because if he did and it turned out not to be...
He closed his eyes firmly and soon he had drifted off into sleep.
* * *
He was awaken by somebody kissing him. His eyes flew open and then he had to close them again when he recognized who it was who was kissing him. Now he was certain he was in a dream. Because in none of the realities he had existed in in the last two years had there been a scenario where Sha're was present on Earth. And as far as he could tell, he was still on Earth, in the infirmary of the Cheyenne Mountain Complex where the Stargate was located. However, Teal'c and Sam Carter had vanished. For a moment he wondered about it, because he couldn't imagine a reason why the Jaffa warrior and the young scientist would give up their post. But then he dismissed that thought. It was not important. Sha're was here and that was all that counted. He opened his lips, inviting her to deepen the kiss. He only stopped when he had to draw in air. Almost disappointed, he let her go.
"Sha're!" He smiled at her lovely face.
"Daniell." She used the pronunciation of his name she had created. She never could pronounce his name correctly, but that had never disturbed him.
"You are dreaming, you know?" she continued.
"I know. But it doesn't matter. You are here and that's all that counts." He got up and reached for her.
"No, you don't understand, Daniell." She moved out of his way. "You are dreaming *now*. I'm part of your dream. But the others, your friends, they are no dream. They are real." Her hand brushed a strand of hair out of his face and he reached for it.
Again she moved the hand away.
"Daniell, you have to listen!"
Slowly Daniel shook his head.
"Why can't you be real? I *want* you to be real."
"I *am* real, Daniell. Only, just not right now and here. I've been turned into a Goa'uld, and you are the only one who can get me back to my former self. But you have to accept that the people here, Jack and Sam and Teal'c and General Hammond, are real. They care about you, you know, and they will help me and you. But if you turn your back on them they can't."
"But what if I wake up again at that place, that institution? I don't think I'd be able to stand something like that a second time."
Sha're smiled a bittersweet smile.
"You won't wake up there again, I promise you. Daniell, you are home. And all you have to do is to accept it and wake up."
"Sha're," he started, but then stopped himself.
"Yes, Daniell?"
Daniel thought his heart might burst for love of that woman.
"I'm afraid," he whispered. "I'm afraid that the reality I wish for is not the 'real' reality."
"Can you afford it not to be?" She smiled again and then bent down to kiss him once more.
And then he woke up for real.
* * *
When he opened his eyes again he was still in the infirmary. But for the first time in a very long time, he didn't doubt that it was real. Sha're had been right. He couldn't afford it to be a dream. If there was one thing he was certain of, it was that Sha're loved him and that he loved her. This knowledge was such an ingrained part of his being, that denying it would be denying himself.
That was what he had done the last few days since he had been back here on the base. Denying himself, his life, his friends. Jack and Sam and Teal'c and even General Hammond, they all were his friends. He could trust them and that wasn't something he could say about many people.
There was something else, something he had overlooked before. When he had discovered that the other Jack, the one who he had fled the institute with, was a fake, one of the reasons he found him out had been the speech patterns he used. However, everybody in the asylum had used the same speech pattern, nobody there had used contractions. As this was the case, logic demanded, that this asylum had not been real either.
And if this was true, maybe there had never been an asylum from the beginning, and everything had actually happened in that virtual reality machine Jack and Sam had mentioned. The drugs he had been given had worked to make it feel real, but it never had been.
He was home at last.
He looked around and saw that Teal'c and Sam were not there any longer. Instead Jack O'Neill sat slumped in the chair at his bed side. He was asleep, or at least Daniel thought he was. His head was tilted backwards, leaning against the hard wall, his mouth stood slightly agape. Deep lines around his mouth and his eyes were signs of the strain he had been under the last couple of days. For once he looked every one of his 48 years, whereas usually he looked like ten years younger. It seemed that it was the first time in many days that he was sleeping.
When Daniel sighed, content, knowing that now everything would be all right, Jack's eyes shot open.
"Daniel?" Though Jack sounded slightly sluggish it was a clear indication where his mind had been at, even asleep.
"Hi, Jack!" Daniel smiled.
An expression of utter joy crossed Jack's face. He leaped out of the chair and lunged at Daniel, enveloping him in a bear hug.
"You're back, Danny! You're back!"
"Yeah, and if you crack my ribs I might reconsider." Despite the jest Daniel returned the hug measure for measure.
Slowly Jack disentangled himself from Daniel, an almost embarrassed expression on his face. Jack wasn't somebody who usually showed his emotions in such an outward manner, and that he had done so this time was proof of the depth of his relief.
"What's been going on?" Daniel asked, though he had a fairly good idea what the answer would be.
Before Jack could answer Daniel's question the door to the infirmary opened and Sam entered.
"Colonel, I just thought ... Daniel!!!" A smile split her face when see saw Daniel awake and obviously aware of the here and now.
"Sam!" He opened his arms as an invitation and Sam took good use of it.
After they separated again Samantha held him at arms length, looking him over critically.
"You had us worried, you know? The doctors couldn't find a thing wrong with you but you wouldn't wake up."
"I...couldn't. Somehow I was aware that I was here, with you and all that. But...," he hesitated, wetted his lips and then continued speaking. "I didn't know that you were real. I'm still not 100% sure."
Jack's expression of relief changed to one of total shock. He opened his mouth to say something, but then he changed his mind. He grabbed Daniel's hand and squeezed it tightly.
"We are real, Daniel. I swear that to you." Behind him Sam nodded emphatically.
Daniel closed his eyes for a second.
"I...I know. I'm okay now. Thanks." He forced a smile on his face, but could tell that neither Jack nor Sam were in any way persuaded.
The door opened again, and Dr. Fraiser entered the room.
"Hello, Daniel," she said with a big smile when she saw her patient awake. "I see you're back with us. Jack, Sam, could you leave us alone? I want to give our patient a thorough examination."
Reluctantly the two officers followed the doctor's orders.
Half an hour later, Daniel was given permission to get up. Though he still was a little shaky on his feet he felt that he should meet the others and find out what had happened as soon as possible. Also he felt that the others should know what happened, or rather what he thought had happened. Maybe telling them would help him to get over it.
When he entered the conference room together with Dr. Fraiser, the complete SG-1 team was present, as was General Hammond, who rose from his chair to greet him.
"I'm very glad to see that you are back with us, Dr. Jackson."
"Well, I'm glad to be back, General."
The rest of SG-1 also had risen when he had entered, but as Daniel had seen Sam and Jack already when he woke up, only Teal'c remained to be greeted. The tall warrior hung a little bit back, probably still feeling guilty for what he considered his betrayal of Daniel.
To put his mind at ease, Daniel put out his hand for a handshake.
"Hello, Teal'c." He smiled, hoping that his smile would get it across that he didn't blame Teal'c for anything.
The Jaffa hesitated but then he grabbed the offered hand and shook it.
"Daniel Jackson." There were still dark ghosts lingering in his eyes but they seemed to have retreated a little bit. One day he and Teal'c would have to talk about his 'guilt' or what he considered as such.
From Dr. Fraiser, Daniel had learned that it had been three days since the rescue team consisting of SG-1 and SG-4 had returned with him through the Stargate. Before that, it had been less than a day that he had spent on P3X826, though it had seemed to him so much longer.
"Colonel, would you please bring Dr. Jackson up to speed on what has transpired in his absence," the general said, opening the meeting.
Jack nodded a short affirmation, then he started to explain how they had gone through the 'Gate four days ago to P3X826.
"Soon after our arrival, we were attacked by hostiles. They flew on some kind of disks and shot with energy weapons. Teal'c managed to bring one of them down with his staff, but then more bogies showed up and it got pretty hot. Daniel got shot and went down. I caught a grazing shot by one of their weapons, that, as we found out later, had the capability to stun the nervous system. Nasty stuff, but luckily not deadly. As I saw that we had no chance for peaceful negotiation, I ordered Captain Carter to open the 'Gate and retreat together with Daniel. However before she could get to where Daniel was she got shot as well. Teal'c managed to get her through and then went back for Daniel, but heavy crossfire prevented Teal'c from reaching him. We had no choice, we were outgunned and outnumbered. We had to leave him behind. We and SG-4 returned as soon as possible to the site with some heavy artillery but by then Daniel was gone."
During the last sentences Jack's eyes were on Daniel, begging for his forgiveness. Though Daniel wasn't too thrilled by the fact that they had left him behind, he understood the situation.
"If you'd hadn't made it back to here you most likely would have been in the same situation I found myself in. I can't say I'm happy about it, but I think I do understand."
Jack continued as if he hadn't heard Daniel.
"It took us a day to find out where they had brought him. When we found Daniel, he was in some kind of glass chamber, covered in green stuff, that, as the doctors say now, enhance the sensory input to the central nervous system. We got him out of there and then back here."
The general nodded then he turned to Daniel.
"How much of that do you remember? The doctors say that the chamber you've been in was some kind of virtual reality machine."
Daniel drew a deep breath.
"I think the doctors are right. The last thing I remembered was us going through the Stargate and being attacked. I remembered being shot at and being hit. When I woke up...it was in a strange world."
The others were hanging on his every word. "I don't know how they did it and how they got half of the information they had, but somehow they put me into a situation where I thought that Stargates and SG-1 and *everything* I believed in the last two years had been a dream."
Daniel couldn't sit still any longer. He got up and began to pace.
"It was so *real*. I could smell it, and taste it, and feel it, and hear it, and see it." He accentuated each sense with a gesture. "Somehow they had made up a scenario where I was in some kind of mental institution. I thought I was there like five days or more. And slowly I began to believe them."
He leaned on the end of the long table needing the support it offered. Even from this end of the table he could clearly see the shock that showed in the others' eyes.
"I know now that it was *just* VR, but it was incredibly realistic. There were tiny details they didn't get right and it took me a long time to spot them. This must have happened shortly before you got me out of there. Only, when I was out, I didn't know that I was out. I *believed* it was just another dream."
"Well, Danny, I hate to break it to you, but we are no dream. A dream team maybe, but not a dream." Jack encompassed everybody in the room with a gesture.
Daniel smiled at that remark.
"I know. Now I know. I think actually I knew it for a long time. But I didn't dare to accept it, afraid I'd wake up in the institution again. I don't know if I could have stood that."
"What made you decide to join us again?" Sam asked softly.
Daniel hesitated for a moment.
"The thought of Sha're, I think. I love her. That love is so much part of myself that denying it would have meant to deny myself. And that was what I was doing. And also my friendship to you. I'd rather live a dream with you than a reality without you."
Nobody said a word and for a second Daniel feared he had said too much. Everybody on this table except him was military in one way or another. And the military was not really famous for their open display of affection.
But he shouldn't have feared.
A smile traveled over Jack's face.
"I think, then, it's our duty to make certain that if this is a dream, that you don't ever want to wake up. How about a big welcome home party tonight at my place?"
"Only if Dr. Fraiser and myself are also invited," the general added.
"It will be an honor, sir."
"Then there is nothing much we have to speak about. Welcome home, Dr. Jackson. Dismissed."
And surrounded by his friends, Daniel walked out of the room.
The End