Note: The 'snow-field incident' described in the story has actually taken place and I have the photos and the witnesses to proof it <g>. This story takes place before Cor-Ai.
Why does a wise man take leave of his senses?
Where is that fine line where sanity melts?
When does intelligence give way to madness?
A moment comes
When a man becomes
Something else ...
-- Transformation, 'Jekyll & Hyde'--
**********
The laboratory was almost dark. Stand-by lights dotted the gloom with a few green and red stars. Once in awhile, a refrigerator unit in the corner would spring to life, the low hum barely audible in the large area. The worm-like creature in the nutrition tank in the center of the room barely moved.
It had no visible eyes. If it had followed its usual life cycle, it wouldn't have needed them. It was a Goa'uld, an alien parasite that took over a human body.
The clock over the entrance of the lab showed it to be 11:56 p.m. when the door opened a crack. After a few moments, it opened all the way, and a fair-haired, bespectacled man entered hesitantly. With his right hand, he fumbled for the switch and turned the overhead on. Cold, white light flooded the room, and the young man squinted. Quickly, he closed the door behind him and stepped further inside.
In front of the tank, he stopped. A multitude of emotions played over his handsome face, most noticeably hate as he studied the captured Goa'uld closely. The parasite seemed to feel the other's presence and began undulating.
After a few minutes, the man turned away. He went to the refrigerator and opened the door. Hastily, he went through the fridge until he came across a group of small bottles filled with red liquid. He removed them and put all but one in a pocket in his jacket. The last one he held up to the light, studying its contents as if it held the key to something very important.
Again, the man looked back at the tank before he resolutely turned away. He unscrewed the top of the bottle, filling a syringe with the red liquid before placing the bottle back in the fridge. He tied a rubber band around his left arm, fixing the knot with his teeth. Searching for a vein didn't take long. Taking a deep breath, he stabbed the needle in his arm and injected the contents. After the syringe was emptied, he removed it from his arm and undid the knot of the rubber band. Without a backward glance, he threw the syringe and the rubber band in a biohazard container.
Inhaling deeply, he returned to the tank. The Goa'uld now swam in tight circles around and around. As if hypnotized, the young man watched it for a moment. He slowly entered the numbers that would unlock the lid and opened it. Without saying a word, he grabbed inside and tried to take hold of the creature. He managed on the second try.
Slowly, he lifted the Goa'uld out, ignoring the nutrient liquid dripping on the tiled floor of the lab. Closing his eyes and taking another deep breath, he held the alien creature to the nape of his neck.
Then he let go.
The Goa'uld didn't hesitate. With a swift move, it stabbed at the offered neck, making a small opening. It slid through the hole, vanishing.
With a moan, the man sank to his knees. His face contorted in a mask of agony. His mouth opened wide as if he wanted to scream, but no sound came from his lips. Wrapping his arms around himself, he fell sideways, curling into a fetal position.
It lasted only a few seconds. Slowly he uncurled, his face relaxing. He rose to his feet, looking around.
Over the sink beside the door hung a mirror. He stepped closer, studying his face as if seeing it for the first time. He fingered it as if to get a feel for it. He made a grimace and tried another. An unfriendly smile spread over his face. His eyes lit up in a cold, unnatural white light. Then, he switched off the overhead lights, opened the door, and left the lab without a backward glance.
************
"How could this happen?" Colonel Jack O'Neill looked at the tank that had, just the previous evening, held a captured Goa'uld. Now it was empty with no signs of its former occupant.
Two days ago SG-5 had managed to retrieve an almost fully matured Goa'uld larva. It wasn't really what they had planned to do, but when they had encountered a Jaffa troupe that attacked them the moment they saw them, there had been little else to do but to fight back. As there was a standing order to capture a Goa'uld if possible, they checked out the fallen Jaffa. Careful not to be possessed by one like Major Kawalsky, they retrieved the only surviving larva and brought it back with them to the SGC.
The scientists had been overjoyed. They had needed to study one for months now, especially since there was an important experiment underway. Though Teal'c was willing to serve as a guinea pig on occasions, there were things they wanted to do that couldn't be done with Teal'c's primta. The risk involved was just too great. For two days, they had prodded and studied the Goa'uld, trying to learn what made it tick.
Now it was gone with no sign as to where.
"Somebody must have taken it out," one of the security guards remarked.
"Unless it somehow learned to type through one inch glass. Who would do this and why?" Jack bowed closer to the keypad as if it would reveal something he hadn't seen before.
"We're checking the security cameras right now, sir," the guard informed O'Neill.
"Who had the code for the lock?" Jack asked.
"The lab staff, naturally. It was also available to those with security level seven and above."
Jack mentally groaned. This meant everybody above the rank of colonel would have to be asked. The paperwork alone would take days. By then, the Goa'uld could be anywhere.
"Has the gate been activated since yesterday evening?"
The guard shook his head. "No, sir."
At least the Goa'uld hadn't escaped that way which left only one planet to search. Only one planet. Great! "I'll check with the general, but for now the gate stays closed until we have our friend back. Inform me the moment you have the tapes from the cameras ready."
O'Neill returned the salute the guard gave him before he turned to leave the lab. He was halfway to the door when Sam entered the room.
"Colonel, have you heard from Daniel?" Her voice sounded worried.
Jack thought for a moment, then he shook his head. "I haven't seen him since I came in. Why do you ask?" A bad feeling formed in the pit of his stomach.
"Well, we were supposed to meet at science lab several hours ago. It's not like Daniel to be late without at least calling. I checked with the entrance to the base. He came in yesterday at 2303-hours and left again at 037. He didn't return this morning."
The worry in her eyes made Jack's stomach worse. "You think, he might ..."
"Well, there is the serum, sir."
The serum! Suddenly, everything fell into place. Of course!
Jack closed his eyes. "I'll kill him ...," he whispered through clenched teeth as he rushed to the refrigerator unit in the corner. He yanked the door open, rummaging quickly through the contents. He picked up a bottle with the label HJ7, holding it against the light.
It was almost empty.
"I can't believe it! I just can't believe it ...," he repeated like a mantra. "Of all the idiotic things he could have done ..." He thrust the bottle into Sam's hand then turned to the security guard. "We have to find Doctor Jackson," he ordered in a barely controlled voice. "Try his address first. If he's not there, continue to search. Consider him dangerous."
**********
Almost from the beginning of the extended explorations through the Stargate when the danger the Goa'uld posed to the members of the individual teams became clear, the scientists on the project had begun to work on a way to protect the SG-teams from the takeover of a human by a Goa'uld. The fate of Major Kawalsky was something that burned in everybody's memory. If there was a way to prevent something like that in the future, they planned to find it.
Many tests had been performed; many experiments had failed. The scientists didn't give up. The most recent and so far the most promising idea was a serum that, though it couldn't prevent the take-over, should be able to hold the mind-controlling powers of the Goa'uld in check. The general idea was to immunize team members in case a Goa'uld parasite tried to possess them.
Just last week the lab-boys had announced they finally had something that should work. Only ... there was no way to test it. For one thing, they didn't have a Goa'uld. Also, no one was willing to risk the life of a human being in such a dangerous experiment in case the drug didn't work.
Jack, like everybody else working in SGC, had known of the experiments and their progress. He wasn’t very interested in them, figuring he'd rather trust his combat skills to prevent a Goa’uld invasion than chemical mumbo-jumbo they had no way to test anyway. Sure, he saw the potential of an anti-Goa'uld drug, and he would be the last one to ignore a new weapon in their fight against them, but basically he adopted rather a "if they find something it's okay, if not it's okay as well" attitude.
Naturally, Jack had been aware Daniel was more interested in the drug. If the serum worked, it might prove to be a way to free Sha're from the influence of the Goa'uld possessing her for almost a year now. Not being a 'hard' scientist – 'hard' in this case meaning sciences like physic, chemistry and medicine – Daniel wasn't able to contribute to the development of the drug per se, but Jack knew he constantly apprised himself of the progress.
So, it had been no real surprise to Jack -- knowing the young linguist by now -- when Daniel volunteered to be a guinea pig for a test of the drug.
Jack rested his head in his hands when he recalled the heated argument he had with Daniel yesterday afternoon.
**********
"Jack, Dr. Morea and the others all say the drug is safe. This is a unique opportunity to learn more about the Goa'uld! What he knows!" Daniel pointed at the tank with the Goa'uld.
It had been during lunchtime and they both stood in the empty lab. Jack couldn't shake the feeling that the captured Goa'uld watched the argument, though it was hard to tell with the creatures.
Mouth gaping, Jack looked at his friend. He couldn't believe what the linguist had just said. "Daniel, this is a Goa'uld we're talking about! Remember? They’re dangerous."
"Not if I take the drug. I'm sure he knows where Sha're is!"
Sha're. Didn't it always lead to her? Jack knew and accepted that the younger man loved his wife and tried everything in his powers to get her back, but sometimes Daniel just went too far. There were things to consider. It was just too dangerous. Sometimes Jack wondered if Daniel was aware that if he'd died on his quest, Sha're wouldn't be too happy about it. ... neither would Jack.
No, Jack wouldn't -- couldn't -- accept that Daniel would risk his life by becoming a Goa'uld host.
"And what if the drug doesn't work? Besides, maybe it doesn't know. It's still young," he tried to argue with logic. It didn't work. No big surprise.
"I'm willing to take the risk!" Daniel almost screamed.
Jack was reminded of another time, another place where Daniel had spoken those words. Like then, he was not willing to accept them.
"I'm not! And that's the end of it!" He grabbed the linguist by his arm. If he had to, he would yank Daniel out of the vicinity of the Goa'uld with brute force.
**********
At that point, the scientists had returned from their lunch break, and the two SG-1 members had left the room. Jack wanted to continue the argument some place else, hoping he would get through to the younger man. Unfortunately, an aide had chosen that moment to come up to Jack, informing him of a meeting with General Hammond. For the whole rest of the afternoon, he had been busy with other things.
Damn, why hadn't he spoken to Daniel again? Jack was sure he would have found a way to prevent what had happened. Daniel might be stubborn as he had proven on more than one occasion, but in the end, he usually accepted the voice of reason.
He was pulled out of his dark thoughts by the opening of the door and General Hammond’s entrance into the conference room. The general looked grim, and Jack couldn't blame him. He wasn't in the mood to smile either. O'Neill stood up and saluted.
"As you were, colonel!"
Jack sat again.
"What is the status?" Hammond inquired, while he settled in a chair opposite O'Neill. "Has it been confirmed that Dr. Jackson took the Goa'uld?"
Jack nodded. "Yes, sir. We've checked the surveillance cameras, and it's definitely Dr. Jackson."
O'Neill had watched the five minute video clip over and over again, hoping to find some proof that it hadn't been Daniel only somebody posing as him. Or maybe, that he had been forced to do it. Or maybe ... No, there was no doubt. It had been Daniel. He had come into the lab, and of his own free will, took the drug and freed the Goa'uld, offering himself as a host.
"Anything on where he went? Why didn't he head for the gate?"
Jack had asked himself this question as well. The tapes from the complex didn't help much. From the lab, Daniel had moved down a couple of levels using the elevator. However, when he reached the gateroom level, he hadn't left the elevator. There was no camera in the lift, but the one in the corridor to the gateroom showed how the door opened and stood open for a couple of minutes. Then, it closed again, and the lift moved directly to the surface. The guard on duty hadn't reported anything out of the ordinary. When asked, he said that Daniel had looked tired.
"We don’t know, sir. All we can hope, is that Daniel ... Dr. Jackson, somehow does have some kind of control over the Goa'uld due to the drug and has managed to ... persuade him not to go through the gate."
It was the only comfort Jack had.
"So you assume Dr. Jackson is in control?"
No emotions showed in the general's eyes, though Jack was sure Hammond hoped -- like Jack did -- that Daniel was the one controlling the Goa'uld and not the other way round. "We can't be sure, sir. If he's in control why did he leave the complex?"
"Do we know what direction he took?"
"No, sir. His car is gone. We know he filled up his tank before he left town because he used his credit card at the gas station. We hope to be able to follow the credit card trail, but until he uses it again, we have to wait."
"What else have you done to find him?"
"Captain Carter is reviewing Daniel’s background right now. It's possible we might find something there that gives us a clue to where he went. We put an APB out through the police, with a cover story that he's stolen some dangerous, secret information. If they spot him, they are to report here. Under no circumstances is he to be approached or arrested. We can't risk the Goa'uld switching hosts." Especially since that could very well mean Daniel's death.
Hammond hesitated, then he nodded. "The moment Dr. Jackson is found, I want you and your team out there. Bring him and the Goa'uld back here no matter the cost. Stick to the cover story. We can't risk another breach of security."
"Yes, sir."
Hammond rose and went towards the door. Before he opened it, he turned and looked at Jack. "I've always considered Dr. Jackson to be a valuable member of the SGC. When he's found ... " The general hesitated a moment, then continued, "Bring him back, Colonel O'Neill."
Jack stood at attention. He knew what the general wanted to say though protocol and a million other things prevented him from doing so. Bring him back alive!
Jack had every intention of doing just that.
And then kill him for the crazy stunt he’d pulled.
**********
He was driving through a nightmare. Though the sun was shining and the blue sky was dotted with only the occasional cumulus cloud. There was darkness in his mind. Daniel was tired, more tired than he remembered ever having been in his life. He hadn't slept in over forty hours, and it didn't look like he would be able to rest soon. He didn't dare. If he let himself go to sleep, the beast within, the monster he had invited himself, would take over and then ...
No! He couldn't allow himself to think about that. If Daniel thought about it, it would sense his weakness and would strike without remorse.
Driving through the almost barren landscape, Daniel wondered for the thousandth time what had driven him to do what he had done. Sure, he had been interested -- very interested to be honest -- in the research to find a drug that would help control the Goa'uld in a human host instead of the other way around. A drug like it could very well mean a way to save Sha're and Skaara and possibly many, many other unwilling hosts of the oppressive Goa'uld. It would be a important factor in their fight against the aliens.
However, until the day the Goa'uld had been brought in by SG-5, he had never thought about offering himself as a guinea pig.
Though he was the last to deny he sometimes had the tendency to run into the fire for the sake of knowledge -- something which drove Jack up the walls as Daniel knew very well--, but he would never have taken that kind of risk.
He still was not sure what had driven him.
The Goa'uld inside of him stirred restlessly. Daniel felt him constantly, a physical and mental presence, probing, testing his strength, waiting for the right moment to take over. He had won for a short while back at the complex.
Daniel clearly remembered the agonizing pain that made him curl into a tight ball on the floor of the lab. The purely physical pain he had almost expected. However, he had had no idea how bad it was going to be, driving the air out of his lungs, forcing him to his knees.
That had been nothing compared to the mental pain, the assault on his very being. For one eternal moment, he had thought that was it, he was gone, his body forever in the possession of the Goa'uld and he a traitor to his friends and his wife. Thinking that had been more than he could handle. He was no traitor and he was not willing to give up!
So, he fought back. Slowly, step by agonizing small step, Daniel regained control. He didn't know if it was the drug or if it was him or if the Goa'uld just wasn't very strong -- though it certainly didn't feel that way. All he knew was he slowly gained ground. When he was again in enough control of his body to spare a fraction of his mind to take a look around, he realized that he -- it -- the Goa'uld -- was on the way to the Stargate.
Daniel couldn't allow that to happen!
So he had continued to fight a wordless, mental battle, regaining more and more ground until he had pushed back the beast into a corner of his mind, locking it behind mental walls it -- hopefully -- wouldn't be able to break so soon. He knew he had to leave the complex now while he still had the time, getting as far away from the gate before the beast could manage to get back into control.
Daniel had started to drive, not knowing at first which direction to go. His main impulse was just to get away. He didn't care where. At least the Goa'uld had stopped its constant attacks after one had almost landed them in a ditch on the side of the street. In no uncertain terms, Daniel had thought to the beast that he could either drive -- and he would, if the alien wanted it or not -- and concentrate on not killing them both or fight it and die trying. After that, the Goa'uld had subsided, settled in his corner of Daniel's mind though Daniel knew he had not won. Not even close.
After half a day driving, he realized that he was headed somewhere after all. The landscape had taken on a familiar barren view. The red-brown rocks were sparsely sprinkled with small, withered bushes as far as the eye could see, and only the valleys where the rivers ran showed a little more green.
When Daniel was a teenager, he had driven through this landscape almost every summer to the small lodge his foster parents had in the Dixie National Forest. They used to spend weeks there, away from any civilization ... or at least he had thought so. Later he learned what being away from civilization really meant. On one hand, Daniel had hated those vacations away from his books, away from anybody he knew, but usually after a couple of days, he had started to enjoy them, going out into the wilderness and exploring the Anasazi ruins which were only a couple of miles away.
He was aiming for that lodge now. The cabin would give him a safe place, one where nobody could find him and where he would be able to work out whatever there was to work out with the creature he now carried inside himself.
First, he needed to stop somewhere else.
**********
"Stupid car!" Stefanie Ashbury kicked the tire of her old Ford Lincoln. This didn't change the fact that the car refused to start after it had died -- again -- at the traffic light. The young woman knew she should have replaced the starter weeks ago. A tight schedule and an even tighter purse had not allowed it. With another curse, she leaned inside the open car window and pulled the lever to pop the hood. Maybe the trick her soon-to-be ex-husband had shown her when they still had been very much in love would work one more time.
Peter had always been good with cars. For a fleeting second, she regretted kicking him out of the house after she had found him in bed with that slut from the supermarket. As soon as regret started, she let go of it. Good riddance to him! She was much better now without him than with him. Not that suddenly she was swimming in money, but at least the pile of debts he had accumulated and left her with had started to be reduced. She’d begun to see a future again.
She got out the little hammer behind the driver's seat and opened the hood. It was good Escalante was such a small town or else traffic would have formed behind her by now. As it was, only old Mrs. Jefferson in her car waited behind her, and she was so old that waiting a little while longer didn't matter to her. When Stefanie looked in her direction, the old lady smiled and waved, making it clear that Stefanie should take her time. Stefanie located the starter and tapped it gently with the head of the hammer then she closed the hood again and went back inside the car. As she turned the key, the motor reluctantly came to life. She carefully pressed down on the gas petal, and the Ford began to move. With a little bit of luck, it would make it home without another stop.
Turning onto her street, she immediately spotted the strange car standing in front of her house. It had a Colorado license plate. Though Colorado was not that far away, it was still rather unusual somebody from the sunny state found their way into out-of-the-way Escalante.
Stefanie parked the car so it pointed downhill and got out. Getting the bag with the groceries from the backseat, she approached the house carefully. Was it a coincidence that the car was parked in front of her house or was somebody looking for her? Off hand, she didn't remember if she knew anyone living in Colorado although Peter might have ended up there and found his way back to her. She hoped not. For all she cared, he could rot in hell.
On her small verandah stood the wooden swing Peter's brother Rokko had given them for the wedding. The thing was not very dependable. Usually if she had time to sit in the sun, she preferred one of the kitchen chairs. Now, the swing was occupied though it didn't move.
"Hello," she called out carefully. She didn't like strangers very much.
The man -- now that she could make out a little bit more she realized that it was a man -- moved as if he was very tired.
"Stefanie?"
The voice held something familiar, though she couldn't place it immediately. She stepped closer, trying to get a better look.
"Yes?" she said slowly.
A shock of light brown hair came into view. Blue-gray, bespectacled eyes that hadn't seen sleep in too long looked at her. She thought for a moment she saw something in those eyes, something to fear, but then recognition flooded her. She all but raced up the stairs.
"Daniel?" She hastily put down the brown grocery bag and enveloped the younger man in a serious hug. He seemed to hesitate a moment before returning it.
"Daniel, where have you been? I haven't heard from you in years." She untangled herself from the slightly taller man and held him at arm's length. "You look like hell," she commented with a wry grin.
The usually silky hair she’d envied when they both had been younger now looked sweaty and unkempt. Though he was tanned -- something she noted with joy as she always had thought he'd spent too much time inside with his books -- there was an underlying paleness that spoke of something very wrong. His eyes were sunken and dull. She didn't like the look of them at all.
Daniel smiled.
Stefanie could tell it was forced.
"I'm sorry. I know I should have called, but ... I've been busy."
"Aren’t you always?" Stefanie tried, but somehow the joke fell flat. "You could at least have written a postcard or something."
"Ugh, that wouldn't have worked, I'm afraid."
This time his grin seemed a little bit more real. Stefanie was relieved. The big brother she had known for almost all her life was still there. It didn't matter if Daniel wasn't her brother in blood and that he had a different last name. He was the only brother she had ever known. "So, let's go in."
She bent down to retrieve the grocery bag, but found that Daniel had already picked it up. She got out her key and unlocked the door. "Kitchen is straight ahead to the right," she called out, following Daniel inside.
In the kitchen, Daniel placed the bag on the table, letting her do the unpacking. If he noticed that there was mostly cheap macaroni and cheese and canned food, he didn't comment.
"So, how have you been? Where have you been?" Stefanie knew his profession had taken him all over the globe even though she’d heard he’d taken up a teaching position in Los Angeles. She’d thought he’d finally settled down. She’d tried to contact him when the mess with Peter started only to learn he didn’t work at the university any more and had moved out of his apartment without a forwarding address. "For a while I almost thought you had vanished from the face of Earth."
"You did?" he asked, startled. He composed himself again. "Oh, I was here and there, got a contract with a big research project, and they weren't really big in encouraging people to have outside contacts."
"Almost sounds like military to me," Stefanie said, suppressing a grin. Daniel and the military! The thought was ridiculous. If there ever had been a less military man than Daniel, she didn't know him.
"Where is Peter? Is he at work?" Daniel changed the topic.
"Peter is .... hopefully, very far away from here." Stefanie smiled for a moment to take the sting out of her words. "It didn't ... work out. We're getting divorced in a couple of months. What about you? Have you finally found Miss Right?"
Something akin to pain flickered over Daniel's face. "I found somebody ... but ... sorry, I don't want to talk about this."
Stefanie almost pulled him into another hug. Something -- or someone -- had hurt him deeply. She wanted to know more, to help him get over it, but for now she would respect his wishes and not ask again. Maybe later. She always had found ways to make him talk.
"What are you doing here anyway?" She asked into the ensuing silence.
Her words pulled him out of his reverie. "Oh, yes, what am I doing here? Ahm, do you still have the keys to the cabin? I ... I just have to get away from things for a while and as I was in the area, I thought I could spend a couple nights there."
"Sure. Though I haven't been there in ages. There’s nothing up there. No food, no nothing. Do you really want to go? You could stay here if you want. I've enough room."
Daniel shook his head. "It's okay. I can get something on my way. Would you give me the key?" There was something in his eyes, something that made it very hard to refuse him.
Stefanie nodded. "Okay, I'll get the key for you. But don’t you want to stay here for a while, have some dinner? Maybe sleep before you go? You look like you could use it."
"No!" Daniel almost yelled. "No," he repeated quickly, more quietly. "I need to go. If I want to find the cabin before it gets dark, I have to start soon."
"You're sure?" Stefanie inquired again. Her feeling had solidified that there was something more important going on, something she probably wouldn't like.
"I'm sure." Another forced smile.
"'kay. You want to wait here while I get the key?"
At Daniel's nod, she left the kitchen. Something was wrong, but for the moment, she would do what he wanted. That didn't mean she would leave him alone at the cabin for long.
**********
Daniel watched Stefanie leave. He always had liked his younger foster sister. He didn't know if without her it would have been so easy to settle into a new family after his parents had died in New York. He remembered nights where the then five year old girl had snuck into his bedroom barefooted, woken him out of one of those nightmares where he had seen the huge coverstone that had ended his parent's life fall again and again. She had questioned him what he had dreamt, asked him until he had told her whatever she wanted to hear. And then she had snuggled up to him, and he had been able to sleep peacefully again.
Stefanie's parents had been the distant – and as far as he could tell the only -- relatives of Daniel's mother. He didn't remember much from the time after the accident, but one day two adults with their little daughter in tow had showed up on the stairs of the orphanage and wanted to see him. He hadn't wanted to see anybody. His world of books and fantasies was the only safe haven in the world, a place he didn't want to leave. He hadn't been given any choice. Three days later, he had followed the MacGregor family to their car, his own few belongings stuffed into one big suitcase.
At first, he hadn't wanted to let them close. He didn't want to love again, trust again ... never. Martina and Robert hadn't given up on him, and under their loving care, he had learned again to let somebody into his life. Steffi had had a big part in this, and he would forever be grateful.
Both MacGregors had been teachers. One thing even the death of Daniel's parents hadn't been able to kill was his love of learning. He had been like a sponge, soaking up whatever was put in front of him. Martina and Robert encouraged him, though they also took great care that his physical education wasn’t neglected.
Martina had died three years ago from cancer. After that, Robert had lost his will to live as well. It had been at Robert's funeral Daniel had seen Stefanie the last time. He wondered what had happened in the meantime. He shouldn't have stayed as much out of touch as he had. Sure, calling from Abydos or even sending a postcard had been impossible, but after he had come back, he should have at least called once to let her know he was still alive. He wondered what happened to Peter. He never had been a big fan of his though this had probably been due to brotherly jealousy. Obviously, he was gone now, and Steffi didn't look like she was totally heart- broken about it. When this mess was over, he’d pay her a longer visit.
Assuming he got out of it alive.
He'd almost forgotten the Goa'uld wrapped around his spine. He was brought back to reality when the alien decided this was a good opportunity for another attack. Daniel hadn't been prepared for it and had cried out when the Goa'uld's mind lunged at his with a mental battle cry.
For a moment paralyzing pain made any thought impossible. It was everywhere. It seemed as if his mind was shredded to tiny pieces, scattered into the winds of oblivion. He was drowning in an ocean of suffering, his body a puppet, its strings cut and cast away to be trampled into the ground by millions of feet.
The pain was too much. Daniel tried to fight. Brute force pushed him into a corner of his own mind. Invisible bars sprung up out of nowhere, trapping him, keeping him away from controlling his body. He tried to break those bars, but they were too strong. Frustrated, he battered against them over and over again. They wouldn't give.
The Goa'uld looked at his prisoner with contentment. It was Daniel's own face that leered at him in his mind, but at the same time it couldn't look any more different. Now your body belongs to me! the Goa'uld said.
Daniel could only glower at him from behind mental bars.
**********
Stefanie had just dug the key out of the old shoe that stood at the window beside the door when a loud cry and a crash from the kitchen made her turn and run in that direction. "Daniel!" she cried, skidding to a stop. "What happened?" she asked, trying to calm her racing heart. Daniel was still on his feet and seemingly well. A glass that had stood upside down besides the sink to dry now lay in glistering shards on the ground.
"Is that the key to the lodge?" Daniel asked, not at all flustered he had broken a glass, pointing at the key in her hand.
Stefanie nodded, then she pulled herself together. Something was wrong. She couldn't put her finger on it, but something was terribly wrong.
Daniel ... he was changed somehow, Stefanie couldn't really say how. Where there had been warmth, an icy cold existed, making her shiver.
Without even an apology or a thank you, he grabbed for the key.
Stefanie instinctively pulled it out of his way. "What’s going on?" she asked, getting angry.
"Give me that key!" Daniel commanded like somebody who couldn't believe she’d actually refused him. His voice had changed too, deeper, more threatening.
"What’s the matter with you?" Stefanie asked, anger making her braver than usual. This wasn't Daniel anymore but somebody totally different who just looked like her brother. Only... five minutes ago, there had been no reason to doubt him.
Something akin to a growl came from Daniel's throat.
Involuntarily, Stefanie took a step back, trying to get as much distance between her and the person who used to be Daniel. Her mind reeled. What had happened to him? Who was this man? Why did he look like Daniel? What did he want from her?
"You won't resist me any longer!" a strange voice said. Since the Daniel lookalike’s lips hadn't moved, it couldn't have been him. There was nobody else.
Daniel's eyes glowed, and he stepped closer. His hands stretched forward as if he wanted to strangle her.
Suddenly, she couldn't move. It was as if something held her in place. Her eyes wandered to those glowing eyes, and she couldn't look away any more. They came nearer and nearer. There was nothing else but icy cold whiteness. Hands closed around her throat, denying her lungs precious oxygen. Whiteness began to fade into an all-enveloping blackness.
**********
For Daniel, seconds seemed to stretch into hours. He was forced to watch as the Goa'uld attacked Stefanie, getting her under his mind control as well. He hadn't time to wonder how a Goa'uld could do something like this -- especially without one of their crystal gadgets.
He had to act.
Finding strength somewhere – he didn't know and didn't care where -- he hurled his mind once more against the mental bars. This time, they shattered like the glass which had fallen to the ground when the Goa'uld had taken over.
With fierce determination, he took back control of his body. The Goa'uld screamed in anger. Daniel ignored it.
He blinked and knew he was back in control. Shocked he saw his hands around Stefanie's throat. He let go immediately, and she fell to the ground.
Had he been too late? Shivering, he searched for a pulse. Relief flooded him when he found it after only a short time.
She began to stir.
Daniel knew he had to go away. Looking around, he spotted the key on the ground at Stefanie's side. Without a second thought, he grabbed it then ran for the door.
He had to get away. Far away, if possible, but first he had to find out who would control his body in the end. A lonely cabin in the wilderness where he wasn't a threat to anybody was just the place.
**********
It hadn't been a good day. Actually, it had been a rotten day. Jack hated waiting, and each hour with no sign of Daniel made waiting worse. Sam and he had gone through Daniel's file, trying to discover where he could have gone, but there were simply too many possibilities. Even though they checked out every one, nothing had turned up. If the Goa'uld was in control, all this research wouldn't result in anything anyway. Who knew where on Earth an alien would go? Being angry with himself didn't help. Why hadn't he figured the scientist would take a drastic step like this? Jack knew Daniel was impulsive. After all, he had to stop the younger man often enough from doing something that would endanger his life, but still Jack hadn't believed he would do something that stupid.
His relationship with Daniel was a strange thing. On the one hand, the young linguist would drive him crazy. Daniel just couldn't accept getting out of a situation alive without a certain piece of information was better than having that piece but being dead. Jack had decided it was his task to be the voice of sense to keep Daniel alive in the process. It was a dirty job, but somebody had to do it.
On the other hand, he depended on Daniel more often than he realized. Daniel was a well of knowledge. Sometimes Jack had the feeling there was nothing the anthropologist didn't know. Daniel was also the one to help him see there were other things than war. Not that Jack saw himself as a brutal warrior who fought for enjoyment, but Daniel was the one who pointed out there was always another way. Daniel's ways weren't the easier and safer ways, but they usually led to success.
There was one more thing. Daniel was a friend. A good one, the best. There were not many people Jack was willing to call friend. Sam was one and Teal'c as well, but Daniel was something special. Jack didn't know how and why, but often he saw Daniel as the younger brother he’d never had. He knew Daniel also considered him and the others family.
So, why had he done what he’d done?
Jack leaned his forehead against a wall in the meeting room they’d converted into their base for the search for Daniel, trying to sap some of his frustration into the cold stone. Sam sat on a table behind him in front of the telephone and a stack of files. Suddenly, the telephone rang. It had done so almost constantly the last couple of hours while reports had come in from all over the country. Daniel hadn't been seen.
There was nothing to indicate that this call would be any different than the others, but still Jack looked up as Sam picked up the phone. "Yes?" she asked into the receiver.
Only some one who knew her well would have heard the tiredness behind her polite voice.
When her face lit up, Jack knew that was it.
"Yes!" she exclaimed, all signs of fatigue draining from her form. She grabbed a notebook and a pen and began to write like crazy. Jack looked over her shoulder, but all he could make out from her scrawl was the word 'Escalante' and a name.
With a quick "Thank you!" Sam returned the receiver to the cradle and grinned at Jack.
"We have a lead!"
**********
They took a car to the airbase. From there, it was a small transport airplane directly to Escalante, Utah. On the plane were, besides the pilot, only the members of SG-1 -- Teal'c's forehead symbol hidden by a baseball cap. The general had agreed the mission demanded absolute secrecy. The team to find Daniel Jackson had to be as small as possible. If the need arose for reinforcements, one or more of the other teams could be brought in within a short time.
All in all, the trip to Utah would take two and a half hours. That was at least two hours longer than Jack liked. On the transport plane, he studied what they had found about the town. Escalante was a small town on the edge of the Dixie National Forest. A hundred years ago a group of Mormon settlers had made it their home. There was a small high school, a town hall, a sheriff's office, one gas station, a small airfield, and a wood mill where most of the town worked. Jack wondered what the hell Daniel was doing there and voiced this question to Sam who sat in the next seat.
"It seems there's a foster sister living in the town," she yelled over the noise of the airplane's engine.
Surprised, O'Neill looked up. A foster sister!?! He hadn't known Daniel had a foster sister.
Thinking about it, Jack realized there wasn’t much he did know about Daniel's background. His parents had died in an accident when Daniel had been nine years old. His file had noted Daniel had been fostered after their deaths, but the foster parents had died a couple of years back as well. There had been no mention of a daughter or a son to these parents. Jack had assumed there were none.
"So, he went to see his sister?" he asked Sam.
"According to the sheriff, he saw her. He also attacked her."
"Daniel attacked her?!?" Jack wasn't sure if he’d heard right. Daniel was the last person to attack somebody. Unless ... Jack didn't want to think about the unless part. A cold lump formed in the pit of his stomach. "Is she all right? Can we speak to her?"
"She's been checked out by the town's doctor and declared to be okay. It seems it was more the shock of Daniel's action than an actual injury. She's back home now. The sheriff agreed to take us to her."
Jack could see in her eyes Sam had the same fears he had. "Did she say if she noticed something unusual about Daniel? Beside the obvious..." Jack didn't have to say what he was searching for. They all knew the obvious outward signs of a Goa'uld in a human body.
Sam shook her head. "No, but according to the sheriff, she wasn't very forthcoming to begin with." Before she could elaborate, the pilot yelled from the cockpit they would be landing soon.
During their descent, Jack had a little time to think. There were too many unanswered questions. Why had Daniel gone to Escalante? What had he wanted from his foster sister -- a woman he had never once mentioned in the last two years? Why had he attacked her?
Daniel just didn't go around attacking people. The only explanation was that the Goa'uld was in control. Yet, if it was in control, why hadn't it simply killed the woman? That would have been the way he expected a Goa'uld to act.
The sun was a handspan above the mountaintops when the small plane taxied to a parking position at the side of the airstrip. Jack was the first to leave the aircraft. He was greeted by a tall, bulky man in a sheriff's uniform. Blond, curly hair was tied back in a ponytail at the nape of his neck. He studied the Air Force officer standing in front of him with open curiosity through intensive blue eyes. "Colonel O'Neill?" he asked with a polite smile.
Jack took the offered hand and shook it, though he didn't return the smile. He didn't feel like smiling. "Sheriff Caslake! This is Captain Carter and Mr. Teal'c," he introduced the rest of SG-1. "They belong to my team."
Caslake shook everybody's hand. "Welcome to Escalante. The car is over there." He directed them to a car standing on the edge of the airfield. During the drive through the town, Caslake informed the team that Stefanie Ashbury had moved to Escalante seven years ago after she had married Peter Ashbury, who had grown up around here. She had found a job as a secretary in the local high school and seemed to be fairly popular. Her husband had left her half a year ago and currently she was living alone.
"May I ask why you're looking for this Dr. Jackson and why we’ve been told not to get near him without you? What has he done?" the sheriff asked O'Neill who was sitting in the passenger seat of the car.
Jack wanted to snap at the sheriff that he didn't need to know. He didn't want to discuss Daniel with a stranger – beside the fact that it was classified anyway. But he pulled himself together and answered in a polite tone: "I'm sorry, sheriff, but I'm not allowed to tell you."
"It's just," the sheriff returned, not willing to give up that easily. "If he's a danger to my people I have to know. After all, he already attacked his own sister. Though she doesn't want to press charges. If her neighbor hadn't called us, we wouldn't know anything about the attack."
"I understand," answered Jack. "I don't believe Dr. Jackson will be a danger as long as nobody comes near him. By the way, did Mrs. Ashbury say where he went from her house?"
The sheriff shook his head. "She says she doesn't know."
They turned onto a street lined by small single houses. The sheriff stopped in front of one which obviously had seen better days. It was in dire need of a new paint job. The sheriff rang the bell.
It was only a minute until they heard the noise of somebody approaching the door from the inside. To Jack, it still wasn’t soon enough. He almost wished he could burst into the house and demand the information they wanted ... no needed. He knew, however, this was not the best way to handle the situation so he held back. It wasn’t easy.
Moments later the door was opened by a young woman with reddish brown, short hair. She looked to be in her mid-twenties, kind of pretty, though nothing outstanding. She wore a pair of loose fitting jeans and a plain T-shirt. On the bare skin of her neck angry, red marks showed where Daniel had attacked her.
Jack almost winced when he saw the bruises.
"Yes?" she asked. She sounded distrustful, studying the four people in front of her through narrowed eyes.
"Sheriff Caslake, ma’am. We spoke with each other over the phone earlier. These people would like to ask a few questions regarding Dr. Jackson."
She hesitated for a moment then nodded. She opened the door a little wider. "Please come in," she invited.
As they entered, Jack studied the woman. Somehow, he was surprised how little she looked like Daniel. Though, logically, he was aware that Stefanie Ashbury was not a blood relation to Daniel, Jack somehow had expected her to look more like her foster brother. At first glance, there was nothing which reminded him of the young linguist.
She led the group into the living room and offered seats. There weren’t enough for everybody so Teal'c chose to remain standing.
The inside of the house echoed the impression Jack had gotten from the outside. Everything was clean but worn. The shelves behind the sofa held hundreds of paperback books, most of them obviously read. A quick scan of the seams showed a wide variety of fiction and nonfiction.
"Good Evening, Mrs. Ashbury," Jack began. "I'm Colonel Jack O'Neill and this is Captain Samantha Carter and Mr. Teal'c. We work with Dr. Jackson and are looking for him. We hope you can tell us what happened."
She ignored Jack's request and blurted, "Why are you looking for Daniel? What has he done?"
Jack regretted he couldn't tell her what she wanted to know. She was better off not knowing. How would somebody handle the fact that her brother had been taken over by an alien entity? She obviously cared about Daniel. That was definitely a plus in Jack's book, but still he couldn't tell her what she wanted to know. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Ashbury, but we can't tell you that. When did Dr. Jackson come here?"
For a moment, Stefanie didn't say a word. She studied Jack closely, searching his face for something. She lowered her eyes. "It was in the afternoon, maybe four p.m.. I hadn't seen him for almost three years so I was surprised when he showed up out of nowhere."
"Did he say what he wanted?"
She hesitated for a second. "Nothing! I guess he was just in the area and decided to drop by."
Jack had the feeling she was lying. Why? Was she trying to protect Daniel even after what he had done to her?
"That was all he wanted?" he asked. He exchanged a glance with Carter, seeing in her eyes that she also doubted the story was true.
Again, Stefanie Ashbury hesitated. "Yes. He came in. We were talking, and then, suddenly, he attacked me. Tell me, Colonel O'Neill, is he ill or something?"
"Or something." "Did you notice anything else? Something...unusual?" was Jack's next question.
This time she waited even longer with her answer. "Beside the fact that Daniel -- one of the most peaceful men I know and who would never even hurt a fly -- attacked me out of the blue? No!"
Jack was sure she knew where Daniel might have gone but had decided not to tell a stranger she obviously didn't trust. A different approach was in order. However, he couldn't do that while the sheriff was present.
"Thank you, Mrs. Ashbury, that will be all. We'd better go now and leave you alone."
Jack rose and led the way to the exit. He let the sheriff, Carter and Teal'c pass but hung back. "Mrs. Ashbury," he addressed the woman that had followed them from the living room, "Would you mind if I use the facilities? It was a long flight." He gave her a weak grin.
She stepped back a little, clearly eager to get rid of them as soon as possible, but then she nodded. "It's in the back," she said, indicating the other side of the house.
"I'll be right with you," Jack called after the others. He followed Daniel's sister to the back of the house to a door. Instead of opening it and going in, he turned to Stefanie. "Mrs. Ashbury, I understand if you want to protect Daniel, but it's very important we find him. I think you know where he's gone." The sincerity shining in his eyes reached her, he could tell. Still, her loyalty to Daniel was stronger.
"Why? What has he done? What happened to him? What was that ...?" She stopped. Her eyes were wide open now, staring up at Jack.
"So, you noticed something after all. Was there...a strange glow in his eyes?" Jack asked softly. A fraction of his mind wondered if it was a wise move to reveal that much, but the other part, the part that needed to find Daniel and help him, urged him on. For a moment, Jack thought she would still deny it, but then, with a strangled sob, she nodded.
"He looked normal when he came -- tired, but normal. But when I went to get the key, he somehow changed as if he was somebody else all of the sudden. His voice changed, too. What is going on?"
Jack sighed. It was not fair to leave her in the dark. "I'm really sorry. I wish I could tell you. Be assured when he is found, we will do everything in our power to help him. You mentioned a key. What key?"
Once more, she studied him closely. "He will be all right?"
Jack wished he could tell her yes. He wished he could believe that himself. He closed his eyes for a second then smiled ruefully at her. "I wish I could promise you that. Daniel made a mistake, and I really hope we can reverse it. I think we can, but we need to find him first."
Stefanie sighed. "My parents...there is this hut up in the Dixie Forest. It's still there, but I haven't been in years. Daniel wanted the key. It was gone when I came to."
"Where exactly is the cabin?"
"I'll show you on the map."
**********
Darkness had fallen over the forest. With every passing minute, Daniel could see less and in a short while he wouldn't be able to glimpse the hand before his eyes any more. If there only had been a flashlight in the car or matches at least. For the first time in his life, Daniel regretted he was not a smoker. He could use a lighter or matches. It was a good thing that, if memory served him right, he would soon be at the cabin. There, hopefully, would be light.
After he had left Steffi's house, his first instinct had been to get as far away from her -- and everybody else -- as soon as possible. He couldn't risk the Goa'uld taking over again. He’d been halfway to the cabin when he realized Steffi would know he had the key now. It would be the first place they would look for him. By then, however, he was already high up in the mountains. So, he continued driving on the gravel road that wound itself past the cabin and higher up into the National Forest.
The last battle with the Goa’uld had left him weak and nauseous, and he didn’t know how long he would be able to hold the alien back. Driving with the massive headache he’d developed didn’t help either. He almost wished the others were with him or he was back at the SGC where he could get help. This was out of the question, however. They would only try to remove the Goa’uld before he could ask the questions he desperately needed answers to. So he drove on, alone, without any support, not knowing if he ever would see Jack and the others again or if he still would be himself if he met his friends.
Griffin Top Road was a narrow gravel road that connected Escalante with Loa, another small town on Highway 24. It wasn't far to the interstate and from there ... Daniel had no idea where to go from there ... only that he needed to get away. However, nature had other ideas. As he had driven higher into the mountains, it got colder. Despite the fact it was May and the temperature in Escalante had been close to 90 degrees, first patches of snow lined the road. As long as they weren't on the path, Daniel wasn’t concerned, but it didn't stay that way. The patches crept closer to the road. Daniel had driven on, thinking they couldn't be that deep, and it would be no problem to drive over them. For the first two fields, he’d been right.
He decided to abandon the car when after fifteen minutes of trying he didn't manage to get it out of snow field number three. With a four-wheel drive, he might have had more luck, but the automatic didn't budge an inch no matter how hard he tried.
That left the cabin after all. He would get there, check out if somebody else was around, and if the area was clear, he would grab some things and vanish again. A night spent in the woods was not high on his list of favorite things--especially with the light rain that had started shortly after he had left the car behind. Considering the alternatives, it was the only option he had left.
At least the Goa'uld was quiet. There was still the ever-present pain and the occasional tap on the barriers he had erected around his mind but nothing serious which hindered the execution of his plans.
Daniel didn't know if the Goa'uld had given up for now. He doubted that very much. Was what he did in the interest of the Goa'uld or was the creature’s inactivity due to the second shot of the drug he had given himself shortly after he had left Stefanie's house? Maybe it was none of those reasons or maybe a combination of all three.
Near dark, Daniel finally found the little path leading away from the road to the small meadow where Robert MacGregor's father had built the little cabin Daniel remembered so well. Everything seemed quiet and dark. Finding the padlock more by feel than by anything else, he unlocked the door, opened it, and fumbled inside for the oil lamp that he remembered always hung beside the entrance. He encountered a spider web, but then his fingers found what they were looking for. The matchbox also was where it had always been. The soft glow of the lamp illuminated the inside of the lodge. The main room with the fireplace, the old sofa and the dusty table with its chairs held an unused feeling. A thorough airing would do the place good. Daniel could see the spider web he’d encountered was not the only one.
Crossing the room, he went to the small kitchen at the back of the cabin. At the thought of food, his stomach began to rumble, reminding him it had been well over twenty-four hours since he’d last eaten. He opened every cupboard hoping he’d find something. All the shelves were empty. Well, hunger wasn’t the worst of his problems.
Next, he entered the bedroom. In the old chest at the foot of the double bed, he found two blankets. They would be useful on his hike through the woods. He looked around. Was there anything else he could use?
"You think going out into these woods in this weather is a wise move, Daniel Jackson?"
Daniel almost dropped the blankets. He hadn't expected the Goa'uld to talk to him directly. The arrogance and haughtiness in that voice in his head left no doubt who it belonged to. Who else spoke like they used a voice synthesizer?
"So, you talk?"
"Of course I talk, human."
The pressure on Daniel's mind increased a fraction, but not so much it was intolerable. He winced but pulled himself together quickly.
"So, how about the two of us have a little chat?"
"Why should I be interested in talking with you, human?"
"Well," Daniel began, wetting his lips nervously. "How about the little fact you haven't managed to take control from me for a long time now?"
"It is only a question of time until your mind succumbs to mine. They always do!"
"Oh, you're sure about that? I will not stop fighting you."
"You cannot win. Sooner or later, this drug of yours will run out. Then, I will take over."
"We'll see about that." Daniel knew he couldn't show the Goa'uld any weakness.
"Your mind is quite intriguing for a human. I might decide to stay in your body, instead of searching out another host. Maybe I will even allow your consciousness to continue to exist. I'm sure it will be very entertaining."
The thought of being a prisoner in his own body just for the entertainment of the Goa’uld made Daniel grimace. He’d rather die than allow that ... if he was given a choice. "I hate to break it to you, but I don't think that will happen."
"You think so! You are wrong!" The last came out with an angry roar.
Daniel had a fraction of a second warning. The stabbing pain was more than he could handle. He dropped the lamp and blankets, falling to his knees. He didn't hear the shattering of glass and didn't see how lamp oil saturated the wool blanket. His whole world consisted of pain and the fight against the Goa'uld.
A small flame licked at the oil-soaked wool, then a spark leaped.
**********
Jack would have preferred to leave the sheriff behind. Taking Mrs. Ashbury was out of the question. When Caslake said he knew the cabin and also knew the shortest route to it, O'Neill accepted his offer to go with them. After a quick call to inform the general of their progress, they started up into the mountains. Jack hoped they would find Daniel at that cabin. He couldn't be certain the linguist had really decided to go there as Daniel must be aware they were looking for him. After attacking his foster sister, Daniel surely would realize they would know about the cabin. Yet, it was the only clue they had right now, and Jack would rather rot in hell than ignore a lead which might help him find Daniel.
Night had fallen when Caslake indicated the narrow path illuminated by the headlights of the car. "That leads to the cabin. It's about half a mile up there. We have to leave the car." They got out. Caslake distributed flashlights from the trunk of his car. Then, he led the way up the slippery slope through the rain.
Ten minutes later, they reached a small meadow. On the other end beside a small stream stood a one-story structure. Flickering light illuminated a window, showing someone must be inside.
"Sheriff, please stay back. Teal'c, check the back. See if there's another exit. Carter, you're with me."
They pulled out their weapons. Caslake looked as if he wanted to protest, but he decided to hold back.
Reaching the cabin, Jack peeked through the window. Immediately he realized the light he had seen had not been due to some safely contained fire in a fireplace. Smoke billowed from something in the middle of the room, and a sofa was burning on one side. Close to it lay a prone figure. The fair hair looked very familiar. Through the smoke, it was difficult to tell if Daniel was still alive or not.
"Carter! Step back!"
Running to the door, he yanked it open. He was about to rush inside when flames flared up. Fresh oxygen fueled the fire. A wall of heat slammed into Jack. "Daniel!"
Jack held up his arm to protect his face. Taking a deep breath, he ran inside, ignoring the desperate "Colonel O'Neill!" from Sam.
Immediately, the smoke stung in his eyes, and they began to tear. It also got into his lungs, making Jack cough. Ignoring the discomfort and the heat from the burning sofa, he moved to where he thought Daniel lay. His foot connected with something soft, and he bent down. Feeling blindly, he encountered an arm. Not hesitating, he grabbed it and began to pull the body towards the door.
"Colonel!" Sam's cry was accompanied by her heavy cough.
She sounded close, but Jack wasn’t certain as the smoke got thicker. He couldn't see a thing. "Here, Captain!" Jack felt the touch of a hand, and he led it towards Daniel's body. Together, they pulled their friend out.
Fresh air felt wonderful to tortured lungs. Jack gulped it eagerly. For a second, he succumbed to the coughing fit wracking his body. Looking up, he saw flames had sprung from the furniture to the roof. The meadow was alight with flickering light.
Sam and Teal'c had moved Daniel's body farther away. Jack followed to where they had laid him. The linguist didn't move.
Had he been too late? Had Daniel suffocated in the smoke? For the moment, Jack didn't care if the body belonged to Daniel or that Goa'uld inside him. If he was dead, everything was lost. If he was alive, they still could fight.
Sam was kneeling at Daniel's side, calling out his name and shaking him slightly. His limp form didn't react. Seconds stretched into infinity.
"I don’t think he’s breathing!" she gasped, looking at Jack with anguish in her eyes. With Jack's help, she stretched Daniel out flat on the ground. Ignoring the mud and the rain, she pushed down Daniel's forehead with the left hand. With the fingers of the other hand, she tilted his chin. Inhaling deeply, she placed her mouth over Daniel’s and exhaled. Another breath. She checked Daniel’s pulse.
Jack watched her, distressed. He knelt on Daniel's other side, his hand loosely on his friend’s chest. When it didn't rise, he and Sam exchanged another worried glance.
"It's not working."
"Damn." Jack positioned the heel of his right hand over Daniel's heart and placed the other hand on top, entwining the fingers. Keeping his elbows locked, he started to push down. "One and two and three ... " On the count of fifteen he stopped, nodding to Sam to continue breathing for Daniel. Jack was just about give him another round of compressions when Daniel suddenly begun to cough.
Blue eyes flew open, and he looked up in confusion at Sam and Jack.
"Daniel, are you all right?" Jack helped the linguist sit up, holding him to ease his coughing.
Daniel wanted to say something, but coughing prevented it. So, he just bobbed his head up and down in confirmation.
A boulder slipped off Jack's shoulders. Daniel was alive! But – was it really Daniel or did Sam just save Daniel's body, animated and controlled by the alien Goa'uld?
Releasing his friend, he rose. Slowly, he stepped back and pulled the gun he’d holstered when he rushed into the cabin.
"Are you okay?" he asked again, keeping his tone as neutral as possible. It was clear to everybody present -- except the sheriff, of course -- that Jack wasn’t questioning if Daniel survived the fire all right. He knew that already. The question haunting him was if Daniel was still Daniel.
Sam studied Jack closely before she got up and also drew her weapon. She stepped clear of his line of fire.
Teal'c didn't pull his weapon, but he also stepped away from Daniel.
Sheriff Caslake eyed the group through narrowed eyes. He clearly didn't understand why O'Neill had rushed into the fire as if he was saving his best friend and now was threatening the same person with a weapon.
After the coughing fit had subsided slightly, Daniel looked up at Jack. He, too, noticed the gun but reacted to it only with a smile.
"Jack, I'm okay. You don't need to shoot me." Slowly, Daniel rose, coughing again. He adjusted his glasses which had become askew. Soot and ash smutted his face.
Jack studied the scientist closely. Could he trust him? Dared he trust him? The man in front of him looked like Daniel, acted like Daniel, but could he be sure it was really Daniel?
"Jack! Please, you know how guns -- especially guns pointed at me -- make me nervous."
Damn, he even sounded like Daniel. No suddenly deep voice. No glowing eyes. Damn again! For a second, Jack closed his eyes. He wished he could believe Daniel was still Daniel, but he couldn't. He couldn't trust him. Too much was at stake. Not the least of it was Daniel's life. "Sheriff?" Jack looked up. He needed to talk with Daniel, but there was no way he would do it with the stranger present. The topic was far too sensitive.
Caslake tilted his head. "Yes, Colonel?"
Jack wished he knew what was going though the sheriff's head. "Would you mind going back to the car and calling in the fire? I guess the forest rangers have to be informed even if the rain is enough to douse the flames."
The sheriff hesitated a second then nodded. Without a word, he turned and moved toward the gap in the forest which led to the small path going down to the road.
"Carter!" Jack said quietly and pointed towards the receding back of the sheriff.
Sam didn't want to go -- that much was clear from her posture -- and Jack couldn't blame her, but it was important they made sure the sheriff really went out of earshot. She opened her mouth to protest, but then she closed it again. The colonel wouldn't go, and Teal'c had the most experience with Goa'ulds. With a light trot, she started to follow Caslake.
Jack waited until Sam had vanished behind the treeline then he turned back to Daniel.
Daniel had obviously just waited for the opportunity. "Jack, it's amazing. The serum ... it's working! Not perfectly, I have to admit, but it's working. I am the one in control."
"Were you in control when you attacked Stephanie?" Jack wanted to believe, to trust, but he didn't dare.
Pain flickered across Daniel's features. "Is she okay? He ... he took over, back then. It only lasted a short time. Now, I'm the one in control."
Jack lowered his weapon. He still wouldn't -- couldn't - - allow himself to completely trust, but it sounded so much like Daniel and so unlike any Goa'uld they had encountered thus far ... "Is it still there?" He had to know. Maybe the Goa'uld had left, and it really was Daniel.
Daniel lowered his eyes. "He's still there. I can feel him. He's still fighting, but I'm in control." He looked up again at O’Neill. "Jack, I'm sorry. Sorry for everything. I know it was stupid to do what I did, but I had to. Don't you understand? This could be the way to free Sha're. And ... and he knows things. He could help us. All that knowledge ..."
Jack understood, and that was almost the worst part. "Daniel," he began, "I really would like to believe you. I can't. You know that. We have to get you back to the complex and get that thing out of you." The without killing you part he left unspoken.
"But what about the things he knows? I only just scratched the surface. There are so many things to learn, so many things to find out. I'm sure once he accepts I'm the one in control, he will cooperate with us."
Jack shook his head. "No way I'm gonna leave that thing in you. It's too great a risk. Turn around," he ordered.
Daniel looked at Jack with a puzzled expression on his face then did as he was told. With a faint click, cold metal handcuffs locked around his wrists. "Hey, what are they for?" he protested faintly.
"I'm sorry, Daniel. I can't take any risks," Jack apologized softly. He gently took his friend by the arm and began to lead him down to the car. He hoped one day Daniel would be able to forgive him.
**********
"So, Dr. Jackson claims he's in control of the parasite?" General Hammond leaned forward in his chair, elbows on the desk, fingertips steepled together.
"He says so, and he's damn convincing." Jack stood in front of the desk, giving his report. He had just returned from the airport and hadn't even allowed time for a shower. It was close to midnight. Most of the base personnel had gone home hours ago. Key people were still there, especially after they learned SG-1 was on its way back with Daniel. Jack had left him in Sam and Teal’c’s care while he went to inform the general what had happened.
"Can we be sure he is really in control? Could this be a trick of the Goa'uld?" The general voiced Jack's fear.
"I don't know how we can prove it's Daniel and not the Goa'uld talking unless we cut that damn thing out." The sooner the better.
"What does Dr. Frasier say? Does she think we can remove the Goa'uld without harming Dr. Jackson?"
For a second, Jack had to close his eyes. He looked up again and slowly shook his head. "The doctors say they've made a lot of progress since Kawalsky. They think they’ve found out what went wrong the last time, but they can't be certain."
"So, there's no guarantee?" The general eyed Jack. It was clear he truly cared about the people in his charge.
Jack knew some people in the military thought this a weakness, but he was damn glad to work with Hammond. This was only one of the reasons. Another was Hammond was an excellent soldier who knew what war looked like. Though he didn't like war, he was not afraid to fight if necessary. "No guarantees." It was difficult for Jack to admit, especially as he wanted certainties.
"I have a request from Washington to bring Dr. Jackson and the Goa'uld to Langley for study." His tone made it clear he didn't think much of the idea.
"With all due respect, sir, you can't do that!" Jack protested.
"I have no plans to follow up the request, Colonel. However, knowing our friends there, it won't take them long to change this request into an order."
"So we better get that thing out of Daniel ASAP."
Hammond nodded. "I agree."
**********
The had put him into a cell somewhere inside the Cheyenne Mountain Complex. At least, they’d removed those handcuffs. After some time, the metal biting his wrists had become quite annoying. Haied thought the humans would fall for his I'm still your friend Daniel Jackson routine. Though they seemed to want to believe him, they’d remained cautious, foiling his plan to slip away in an unobtrusive moment and make his escape through the gate.
From the information gleaned from his reluctant host, Haied knew the humans would waste no time trying to remove him from this body even though they seemed to know this might mean the death of the man they held in such high regard.
If he was able to shed his original body, this would be no problem. He could blend with the human's physical form, leaving the husk behind for them to remove, making them believe the operation had been successful. That drug his host had taken had prevented him from doing so. Only after the human had lost consciousness during the fire, had he been able to take full control of body and mind. The merger was far from complete. It took a lot of power to remain in control. That the host's mind was still fighting his control was no help.
These humans were an interesting species, a challenge, something that hadn't come along in a long time. Through the memories of those before him, Haied knew it had been a long time since a race had seriously dared oppose the rule of the system lords. Though one part of him was infuriated by their presumption, another part embraced the opportunity. A little challenge weeded out the weak and the stupid. It gave those who were strong and smart a chance to progress. Not that he thought the humans had a serious chance against the Goa'uld. They were little better than animals – useful animals, admittedly, and entertaining -- but nothing more.
His current host had proven to be more of a challenge than Haied had anticipated, but now he had him firmly under his control. What was left of Jackson was banned in a desolate area of his own mind, only to get out when or if he ever allowed it. It was surprising the human was still opposing his possession, still trying to regain control. By now, he must know he’d have no chance whatsoever against Haied’s far superior mind.
The door to his prison opened, and a woman entered. Through his host's memory, Haied knew she was Captain Samantha Carter. His host trusted her, liked her even. He called her a friend. Haied got up from his bunk and stepped closer to the bars of the cell but not so close that he interrupted the laser beams in front of them. "Sam," he greeted with a smile. "Are you getting me out of here?" He indicated the room with a wide gesture.
The woman smiled. "Doctor Frasier would like to see you."
The memory of his host provided him with the picture of a red-haired woman with a friendly smile. She was a medical doctor and most likely the one who would examine him to find out if he could be removed. How would his host react to that revelation? "Is she planning to stick some needles into me?" he asked, sounding nervous. Haied tried a small grin.
Samantha Carter grinned before she punched numbers into a keypad at the side of his cell. The lasers switched off, and the door opened with a faint click. At the same moment, two guards entered the room, their weapons ready. Haied, who had been ready to get Carter under his control, held himself back. This body was not much use to him if it was shot. He followed Carter out of the room and down two levels to the infirmary as if he didn't have a care in the world. The two guards went with them all the way.
In the infirmary, they were met by Dr. Frasier. She looked at him through narrowed eyes, clearly not sure if she could trust him or not. "Dr. Jackson, please sit on the bed."
Again, he searched his host's memory for an appropriate answer. He knew Jackson would feel hurt by the cold reception. Haied couldn't care less. For a moment, he felt resistance from his host's mind, but this was overcome easily. "Since when do you call me Dr. Jackson, Janet? I thought we had passed that point a long time ago." He smiled at the doctor whose face relaxed immediately.
She began her examination by checking out the wound he’d made when he’d entered this body. It was already almost healed. There would have been nothing left but a faint scar if he’d been able to fully take over earlier. Sometimes, he wondered how a race which knew so little about their own bodies could have advanced so far. Of course, they were still behind anything the Goa'uld had achieved even if they were farther ahead of any race so young.
Doctor Frasier continued the examination. She measured his blood pressure and pulse, listened to his heartbeat, drew some blood and took saliva samples from his mouth. All the time the two guards stood close-by and watched his every movement. Carter stayed back. She didn't seem to pay attention. Haied watched her out of the corner of his eyes – Daniel Jackson's eyes – and saw her yawning once or twice. Maybe the long day had finally gotten to her. Haied filed the observation away for future use.
Apparently satisfied by her examination, Frasier handed him a white gown and pointed to a curtain screen in the back of the room. "I've got to get you out of those clothes, Daniel." Haied was aware the humans had something they called modesty and that it had something to do with not being exposed in front of other people they didn't know well. He didn't understand. For him, a body was nothing more than a shell, but this modesty might work to his advantage. So, he blushed slightly, grabbed the gown, and vanished behind the curtain. While he stripped, he looked around to find something he might be able to use as a weapon. Nothing caught his eye. After a few moments, he reappeared from behind the screen, dressed in the knee-length gown.
The examination turned to more intimate areas of his body. Maybe this was an opportunity to gain control? "Hm, guys, would you mind?" He pointed at the tool Dr. Frasier held in her hand and looked at the guards.
The two men clearly didn't feel comfortable during such an examination. The taller of the two, however, shook his head. "We have our orders."
"Sam," he pleaded with the blond captain. "I really would like them not to watch. I won't bite Janet. I promise." He didn't let it show that he had no intention of keeping any promise.
Carter hesitated for a second, then she nodded. She turned to the two men. "You can wait outside. If anything happens, I'll yell."
With a short "Yes, ma'am!", the guards left the room.
Haied knew they wouldn't be far away, but things were much better than before. Now to get rid of Carter. If he had Frasier to himself, he could set his plan in motion.
"Sam," he looked at the captain and interjected an almost whining tone in his voice. "If you wouldn't mind..." He grinned weakly and turned his finger in a circle.
The young scientist had the decency to blush. "Ahm, Daniel, I'll be over there." She pointed to a corner by the door. It was out of the line of sight of the examination bed.
He was practically alone with the doctor. Haied almost grinned but suppressed it at the last moment so he wouldn't give anything away.
"Okay, Daniel. Now you have no more reasons to shirk. Hop on the bed, please." Frasier patted the bed with her right hand.
"Anything you say, doc," he said and looked her closely into the eyes.
She had no idea what hit her. Her eyes widened when he let her see his true nature, but by then it was too late.
**********
Staring at the wall, Sam tried to assimilate everything that had happened over the last day. It had been a long day, one she didn’t care to repeat too soon. Now at least they had Daniel back. She hoped. Everything he’d said and done since they had found him seemed to indicate it was him who was in control of his body, but a lingering fear remained. What if this was only a ploy by the Goa’uld to give them a false sense of security? What if the young, brilliant linguist was lost to them forever? At that thought, a shiver ran down her spine, and she wrapped her arms around her body, hugging herself tightly. And the biggest question of all: how would Jack get over it?
Sam seldom allowed herself to think about the men she worked with. She had done so before, and it had given her nothing but trouble. Working in a male dominated environment -- be it science or the air force -- had taught her a few things, not the least which was she always had to be twice as good as the others to be recognized. Also, she never could let anybody she worked with get too close to her.
The members of SG-1 were her friends, comrades in arms, fellow soldiers and people she could rely on when the going got tough. Nothing more.
Right!
It might have been so at the beginning. Over time, they had become more. Not just friends, but something different, something ... more. Almost like brothers.
The brother who always looked out for the others and led them - Jack.
The brother who could be relied upon to protect them -- Teal'c.
And the little brother with an insatiable curiosity and the smarts to match it -- Daniel. Daniel, who, this time, might have gone too far. So far that he might never be able to come back.
Of course, she had heard of Daniel Jackson long before she met him. She had worked on the Stargate Project with Catherine Langford for a couple of months, trying to
figure out how the ring which had been found in Giza so many years ago functioned. One day, Catherine told her about a young linguist she planned to recruit for the project, a man who supposedly had some very interesting ideas.
She was in Washington the day Daniel had come to the project so she had only second hand reports of the way he’d torn apart Professor Meyer’s translation of the hieroglyphs. She planned to meet him, to discuss some of the ideas she’d had on the gate, but other
Things got in the way. She’d still been away when Daniel discovered the glyphs actually were constellations. When she returned, the team was already on Abydos. All her protests she should have gone with them were useless.
When the team got back minus short several men, she thought she would never have a chance to meet Daniel Jackson. He was dead after all. At least, it said so in Jack O'Neill's mission report. She had no reason to doubt him. The project folded shortly after that. Some half-hearted attempts were made to keep it alive, but with the Abydonian gate supposedly destroyed and no other address working, it had been only a matter of time. She was ready to move on to something new when the gate opened again.
This time she wouldn't miss her chance to be on the team. Though O'Neill had been against it in the beginning, she had no intention of staying behind when the next mission to Abydos took off. She would show him she was as useful – or maybe even more – than any male member of the team. Almost puking her guts out when she left the gate on the other side had not been the best possible start.
In Daniel, she had found a kindred soul. He hadn't cared if she was a man or a woman. Of course, he wasn’t blind. He certainly noticed she was a woman, but in everything that mattered, he couldn't care less if she had dresses hanging in her wardrobe at home or not. Over time, she thought she’d figured out the brilliant linguist and what made him tick. The driving force behind almost everything he did was his goal to free his wife Sha're from the Goa'uld. He would do almost anything to achieve that goal. Sometimes it seemed as if an interesting discovery or the study of an alien culture took precedence over that, but it was also only a means to an end. There was always the possibility his studies might uncover something which would help him free Sha're. Besides, it helped him to pass the time. Daniel once had confined to her he was sure he would go mad if he didn’t keep himself busy. Still, using himself as a guinea pig for the serum was a little bit extreme even for Daniel.
Sam looked up. She hadn't heard anything from Daniel or Janet in awhile and had began to wonder what took so long. She turned when Janet stepped around the curtain.
"How's it going?" Sam asked with a slight smile.
Janet didn't say anything as she stepped closer, a strange expression on her face. Her eyes looked at a point somewhere behind Sam.
"What's the matter? Something wrong with Daniel?" Sam worried.
"Everything is fine," Frasier said, her voice flat.
"Janet?"
"Everything is fine," the doctor repeated, and before Sam could inquire again, Janet raised her hand and rammed a syringe into Sam's upper arm.
"What ...?" was all Sam managed before the room began to spin around like a carousel in overdrive.
Daniel stepped around the partition, his eyes glowing white, a cold smile on his face.
The world spun faster and faster before it turned dark. Sam never felt the floor rising to meet her.
**********
Jack was on his way to the holding cell to speak to Daniel when he ran into Teal'c coming from that direction. "Have you seen ... Daniel?"
Daniel had messed up. It wasn't the first time, and given half a chance, it wouldn't be the last time. Jack was willing to forgive the young linguist everything if it turned out Daniel had been right and the serum was working. Yet as long as the Goa'uld was inside Daniel, he didn't dare believe him. If Daniel at least had trusted in him. If he hadn't run away. Together they would have found a way. Somehow. Of course, the Stargate’s proximity was a problem. Leaving the SGC and taking the Goa'uld far away from the gate had been the only sensible action Daniel could have taken. A thought began to nudge at his mind but refused to materialize into a clear idea. A frown line formed on his forehead as he tried to force the idea out into the open.
"He was brought to the infirmary to be examined by Dr. Frasier," the dark-skinned Jaffa informed.
Jack listened with only with half an ear. If Daniel's goal had been to get away from the Stargate with the Goa'uld, why had he so easily agreed to get back here? Strange, he hadn't even mentioned getting back to SGC might be a bad idea.
Unless ...
Damn!
"Where did you say they brought him?" he asked Teal'c.
"To the infirmary." Teal'c looked slightly puzzled, though it was hard to tell as his face remained fairly expressionless as usual.
"Follow me!" Jack commanded and began to jog towards the stairwell.
Three floors down he burst into the corridor leading to the infirmary. Two figures in uniform lay motionless before the open door. One bled from a head wound; the other showed no outward reason for his unconsciousness.
Jack cursed himself for not carrying a weapon. Both of the guard's holsters were empty. Hitting the button, he activated the alarm throughout the complex. He pressed
himself flat against the side of the door then he quickly peeked inside the infirmary. Also unconscious, Sam lay on the floor close to the door. There was no sign of Daniel or Janet.
Jack went inside. "Dr. Frasier?" he called with a low voice. He bent to feel Sam's pulse, all the while scanning the room with his eyes. He found a strong and steady beat and released the breath he hadn't been aware of holding.
Jack exchanged a quick glance with Teal'c, who had checked out the two guards.
"Both are alive," the Jaffa informed him quietly.
"Janet," Jack called again, this time louder. No answer. Quickly he checked out the rest of the room. It was empty. Without a word, he picked up the phone and called the general's extension.
"General, Daniel’s gone. I think the Goa'uld is in control, and he'll try to get through the gate. He might have Dr. Frasier as a hostage. He's armed." For a moment, Jack said nothing listening to Hammond before he nodded. "Yes, sir. Teal'c and I, we're on our way."
He put the receiver down and turned to the Jaffa. "Let’s go."
**********
In the control room, only a couple of the overhead lights were switched on, leaving the room half in darkness. No one had been present when Haied entered the room with Janet Frasier in tow. He immediately went to the computer which controlled the gate, ordering the doctor to stay close to the door. She would stay wherever he told her to and do whatever he commanded. His control over her was complete. It strained his resources to their limits, but it only had to last a little while longer. In a couple of minutes, he would be in the gateroom, stepping through the Stargate on his way home. Whatever happened then ... he didn't care.
Haied was a rarity among the Goa'uld. He was able to influence and sometimes control humans without the close contact joining brought. There were others like him but only a few. Most remained in hiding since the system lords feared and hunted them down when they were found.
When he had been captured by the humans, he had been hurt and in shock. The death of his Jaffa -- not that he had cared very much for that human -- was nothing. It had taken some time to recover. By then, he had been put in a tank and used as an object for study. Never had he showed he was regaining his strength or understood what was going on around him. Instead, he watched and waited for his opportunity.
Daniel Jackson had been the opportunity. Reading his emotions -- all he could do from a distance -- he realized the man had a certain interest in him. So, he nudged and encouraged him, without the human knowing he was influenced from the outside.
It had paid off. Jackson had thought it had been his idea to test the drug on himself and offer himself as a host. What Haied had not counted on was that the drug actually had some effect, making a close joining impossible. This and the fact that his host's mind was stronger than he suspected had made it possible for the human to escape his control. Not for long. In the end, he had triumphed. He allowed himself a cold smile. He had trapped Jackson so deep inside his own mind that on his own he never would be able to find his way back to the surface. Haied was looking forward to making the human suffer for his insolence.
Escaping from the infirmary had been ridiculously easy. It had helped that the two guards hadn't suspected anything. After the doctor had dropped the first one with a syringe, the second had been too stunned to react before Haied struck him down.
Flicking a few switches, Haied started the warm-up sequence. Lights went on all over the control board, and a low hum spoke of machines coming to life. Human machines were so primitive! They had no style or elegance and were cumbersome and complicated to operate. So many switches and keys. Nothing at all like Goa'uld technology. It was a small miracle they had gotten the Chapa-Ai to work. He began to press keys on the board. Jackson had not given the information Haied needed voluntarily, but in the end, he had had no hope of resisting Haied’s superior mind. Suddenly, the room was filled with red, rotating light, and a siren began to wail throughout the complex.
"What is this, woman?"
Frasier turned to Haied, her face blank. "The alarm."
Haied suppressed the urge to hit her. She was little better than a drone, and she only answered what was asked. "Why is there an alarm? What causes it?"
"I do not know." Her tone of voice was still flat, but somehow it didn't sounded right to Haied. He looked closely into her eyes. Should she be able to resist him?
"Move over there!" he commanded, pointing to a corner where he would be able to keep her in his sight while still working on the computer.
She walked to the indicated spot and stood, looking at him. Haied pulled one of the guns he had taken from the guards and laid it on the desk beside the computer in easy reach. Ignoring the siren and the lights, he turned back to the keyboard, punching in a gate address. He hit enter. The Chapa-Ai began to move.
"That’s it, worm-dude. Step away from that computer, and turn around slowly."
**********
Jack and Teal'c had split up after getting their weapons. Teal'c would come down the stairs from the conference room while Jack used to the entrance closer to the gate room. Several guards were waiting to back them up. One of those guards approached Jack before he reached the control room.
"Sir, they are still inside. Dr. Jackson has a weapon and has Dr. Frasier with him. We didn't want to do anything before you arrived, sir."
Jack bobbed his head in a short nod. He wanted to be the one to talk with the Goa'uld. Maybe a snowball's chance in hell existed to get the Goa'uld to give up Daniel's body voluntarily without killing him, but he had to try. He owed that to Daniel and to himself.
"Good." He pushed a button on his com unit. "Teal'c? Are you and your team in position?"
"I am, O'Neill!"
One day Jack intended to do another addressing a person by his rank talk with Teal'c. Not that he minded really, but it might save Teal'c trouble. The alien butted enough heads as it was. "Okay, I'm going in. Nobody shoots before I say the word." Carefully he peeked around the corner.
The control room was aglow with eerily red light from the alarm. Jack couldn't stop the thought that the room was bathed in blood. In front of the large window facing the gate room,
sat a familiar figure, half-hidden by Janet Frasier. The doctor just stood there, staring into nothingness. Jack waved to get Janet's attention, but she didn't react. Strange. Had the Goa'uld given her some drug?
Jack entered the room, sneaking along the wall until Frasier was not in his line of fire anymore. Though Janet's face was turned in his general direction, she still didn't seem to see him. At least, she never once betrayed with one expression that she noticed him or the two men following him.
Jack motioned to one of the men to get the doctor out of the way when the moment was opportune. In the gate room the inner wheel of the Stargate began to spin. Somehow he had to get the Goa'uld away from Frasier or the other way round.
"That's it, worm-dude. Step away from that computer and turn around slowly."
For a moment the man in the chair didn't react. Then, he swirled around, pushing away from the console in the same move.
If there ever had been any doubt in Jack's mind it was a Goa'uld in control of Daniel's body, it was wiped aside when he saw the glow in those eyes. The contemptuous smirk was an expression Daniel would never ever show.
"No!" He wanted to scream when his hopes of getting Daniel back were crushed. For a moment, he understood in crystal clarity how Daniel had felt when he’d seen Sha’re for the first time as the Goa’uld queen. Then, fury and anger stepped in, taking control of Jack. If he couldn’t get Daniel back, he sure as hell would make certain the bastard didn’t get away free.
"Let me go!" the Goa'uld commanded.
"Why should I do that? In case you haven't noticed, we have you out-numbered here."
Teal'c and his two men had come down the stairs. He was carrying his staff weapon, the open tip pointing at the Goa'uld.
"If you kill me, you will never be able to speak to your friend again."
The Goa'uld had hit the weak spot in Jack's plan. If something happened to the alien, the same thing would happen to Daniel. This was something Jack wanted to avoid at almost any cost. Almost. If they let the Goa'uld go through the Stargate, Daniel was lost to him anyway. Losing Skaara had been very hard; losing Daniel would be even harder. Jack didn't want to think about that possibility. By keeping the Goa'uld and Daniel here, they could try to separate the two.
It hadn't worked with Kawalsky.
It was a no-win scenario. Jack hated those with all his heart. Closing off his feelings, he let his mind take over. Maybe there was a chance to bluff their way out of there. "Daniel's dead anyway. See if I care." Jack raised his gun and fired a short burst inches past the Goa'uld's head.
To his credit, the alien almost didn't flinch.
"You're making a mistake! Let. Me. Go!"
The alien's glance was now fully on him. Without being aware of it at first, Jack's eyes were drawn to the white orbs. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to let the Goa'uld go. After the Goa'uld went through the gate, it could leave Daniel's body, take another host and then send Jackson back to Earth. All Jack had to do was to order his men to step back and let it pass. The Stargate activated in the gate room, the sounds and lights carrying over into the control room. For a fraction of a second, Jack was distracted from the glowing eyes, and that was all he needed the break the spell. What on Earth had he been thinking? Letting the Goa'uld go? Like hell he would!
The Goa'uld realized that its control over Jack had slipped. With an angry cry, it grabbed for the gun on the control desk.
"He has the power to cloud the mind," Teal'c cried from his place at the stairs. The Jaffa lifted his staff weapon and fired a short burst at the Goa'uld, missing him only by an inch as it dived aside. An electrical control box went up in sparks and flames.
"Ya think?" Jack cried back, momentarily blinded by the fireworks going on. A shot rang out.
Teal'c let the staff drop as blood appeared on his right arm.
Jack saw the Goa'uld as it stood in the corner, ignoring sparks falling from the control box onto its hospital gown, leaving little holes in their wake. He raised his gun again, aiming at Jack, a cold smile on his face. Jack also lifted his gun.
Their eyes met.
"You cannot win, human!" the Goa'uld said, crooking an index finger on the trigger.
All of the sudden, the white vanished from the Goa'uld's eyes, and Daniel's familiar blue appeared. The hand with the gun began to shake. "Jack, I can't hold him back for long. Shoot!"
Daniel's voice! He couldn't shoot Daniel! He just couldn't!
"Shoot!"
Closing his eyes to narrow slits, Jack took aim again. His finger touched the trigger, his other hand on his right wrist to steady his aim. His hand was shaking nevertheless.
"Please. Shoot!"
Then, the white was back.
Jack pulled the trigger.
The bullet tore into Daniel's shoulder, pushing him back against the wall. He slammed into the electric control box with the back of his neck. A miniature lightning bolt leapt from the box towards the linguist. Daniel's body slumped in slow motion towards the ground.
The sickening smell of burned flesh assaulted Jack’s nostrils. "Daniel!" Jack had no idea how he had gotten to Daniel's side, but he knelt there, holding his friend in his arms, not caring about the blood pooling on his uniform. The body was limp, no movement. With a shaking hand, O’Neill searched for a pulse, his mind frozen. There was none.
"What ... what happened?" Doctor Frasier sounded confused.
"Doc, over here!" Jack cried, drawing her attention away. As she joined him, Jack said, "There’s no pulse." His voice cracked.
To her credit, Janet immediately pushed aside her own confusion. Kneeling down, she began with CPR. Between breathing air into Daniel's lungs and compressing his chest, she called for a gurney and a crash cart. In less than five minutes, Daniel was on his way to the infirmary.
Jack hated to watch and feel helpless even as he understood staying out of the way gave them a chance to save Daniel’s life. Not that he really thought they would be successful. Nobody could survive something like what just happened to Daniel.
After they wheeled Daniel out, Jack slumped on the wall, all of his energy drained. He wanted to follow the gurney but for some reason lacked the will to do so. Daniel was dead!
Why should he bother? With a frozen expression, he stared at his hand, still red from Daniel's blood.
"Colonel O'Neill?" Teal'c's voice sounded worried. It astonished Jack again how somebody with so little facial expression was able to confer so many emotions in his voice.
Guilt rushed through him when he realized he should have checked on Teal'c's condition. After all, the Jaffa had been shot by the Goa'uld. Jack had been so engrossed with Daniel that everything else had taken second place. He looked up at the warrior standing over him. Blushing slightly he worked his way into a standing position.
"How are you? You've been hit?" He eyed the provisional bandage wrapped around Teal'c's upper right warm.
For a moment, Teal'c didn't say a word. "I will be fine, Colonel O'Neill. It only grazed me."
"Good." For once, Jack couldn't think of anything to say. He felt exhausted.
"I would like to go to the infirmary. Do you want to come, too?"
There was no place Jack wanted to be less. Daniel was dead. He didn't need to wait to hear that from somebody else. Jack was sure Daniel was dead. He had pulled the trigger, killing him. Yet, he could think of no other place to be. "Okay, let's go." Feeling very, very old, he followed the Jaffa out of the damaged control room.
**********
Jack had lost all sense of the passing of time. In front of the infirmary, he and Teal'c had been met by Sam who was back on her feet though very pale. She had just awoken when they had wheeled in Daniel, Doctor Frasier sitting on top of him, still giving compressions. Then, somebody had seen her and after a quick once over declared her to be fit. After that, she had been basically thrown out of the infirmary.
In short, toneless words Jack gave her a quick summary, outlining what had happened. He didn't spare himself, taking the blame for Daniel's injury. Both Teal'c and Sam tried to tell him he had had no choice, but he was not willing to hear it. Sam insisted if she hadn't been surprised by Doctor Frasier, Daniel would never have gotten so far, but Jack wouldn't blame her.
Jack vaguely remembered someone bringing plastic chairs from another room into the corridor so the members of SG-1 didn't have to stand while they waited. For the life of him, he couldn't remember who it had been. While Teal'c remained standing, a silent sentinel beside the door, he and Sam had sat facing the entrance to the infirmary. About an hour ago, Carter had succumbed to exhaustion and had fallen asleep. Her head ended up on Jack's shoulder, resting there. He didn't mind really, welcoming the weight as a physical reminder that at least one of his team members was safe. He knew, though, she would be embarrassed when she woke up. She usually prided herself in keeping a respectful distance to her superior.
Without wanting to, Jack's thoughts drifted back to another time, another corridor, where he had waited to hear if somebody dear to him would survive a gunshot wound. Back then, it also had been his weapon which had fired the bullet. Though he hadn't pulled the trigger, he might as well have. Another woman's head had rested on his shoulder then. Sara hadn't slept but had sought comfort – something he hadn't been able to give. Charlie's death shattered his life into a million little pieces, almost destroying him as it had destroyed his marriage. If they hadn't offered him the suicide mission to Abydos, he would have killed himself sooner or later. Going through the Stargate had been his chance to go out with a bang, killing himself with the excuse he was doing it for his country.
Instead, he had come home, not whole again – Jack would never be completely whole again with Charlie dead – but at least on his way to recovery. It had been too late to find his way back to Sara or for her to find her way back to him, but at least he had begun to heal. The man who had got him on his way was Daniel Jackson, though he probably never realized that. And now Jack had most likely killed him.
Some might say he hadn't a choice. It had either been him shooting Daniel or the Goa'uld in Daniel shooting him. Daniel actually had begged him to do the deed, asking for the
ultimate gift a friend could give another. Not sacrificing one's life for another – Jack would have done that in a flash. No, taking a friend out of his misery and being willing to stay behind bearing the memory and the pain was more difficult.
Sometimes, those who died were the lucky ones. They could leave all the trouble, the toil, the sorrow, and the pain behind. Those who were left behind had to live on and bear the load of the future. Sometimes it took more courage to live than to give up and succumb to the man with the scythe.
Not that Jack wanted to die. Not anymore at least. He had walked through that particular valley of shadows. He had come out of it a different man, one who wasn't willing to give up no matter what. Even if Daniel died – and the fact that they were still fighting for his life in there began to give him a small hope that he wouldn't – Jack would go on somehow. Right now, he didn't know how, but he would go on. If for no other reason than to fulfill Daniel's greatest dream: to free Sha're from the Goa'uld possessing her.
It was the least he could do for his friend.
What if Daniel survived only to remain for the rest of his life the unwilling host of a Goa'uld? Would Daniel want that? Jack doubted it very much. Despite Daniel’s stupid move
to test the anti-Goa'uld drug on himself, and by now Jack had begun to think that there was more to it than he saw right now – Daniel would never want to live on like that. No way! So, what to do if Daniel survived, but they couldn't find a way to free him from the parasite?
So far they had only found one way to remove the parasite from its host. Jack had ordered the destruction of that device in order to save Teal'c.
What to do? Jack had no idea, and that was a situation he clearly didn't like. After some time, his left shoulder and arm began to fall asleep. He was just about to wake Carter when General Hammond came around the corner. Shrugging his shoulder, he gave Sam a quick shove, and she woke up. He rose, standing at attention.
"What ... ?" Carter asked, still half asleep. Her eyes widened, "News about Daniel?" Seeing the general, she rose.
"At ease, Colonel, Captain, Teal'c."
It was a sign of how tired Jack really was that he hadn't noticed how the tall warrior had stood beside his teammates.
"Any news about Dr. Jackson?" the general asked, his voice concerned.
Jack shook his head. "They're still in there, still fighting. I take that as a good sign. At least he's not ... " he didn't finish the sentence.
"Colonel, I have debriefed everybody involved in this situation except SG-1 and Dr. Frasier. I hoped you would have had news about Dr. Jackson before I got around to you, but I can't wait any longer. There are people in Washington who want my report ASAP. I will listen to you individually, leaving the other two here. That's all I can do."
Jack was grateful for the gesture. This way, he was assured news would reach him or whoever was with the general as soon as the door to the infirmary opened.
"I'll go first, sir. And ... thank you, sir."
Following the general, he wondered how, just two hours ago, he hadn't wanted to go to the infirmary to wait for news about Daniel. Now with every step away from the door, he felt as if he were leaving his heart behind piece by piece. Maybe, it was because now he knew there was still a chance. Daniel was still fighting. The young linguist didn’t give up easily.
Entering the room, Hammond waved him toward the visitor's chair while he settled into his own chair behind the desk.
"Now, please tell me what happened from the moment you went to see Dr. Jackson."
Jack began to speak, giving an exact account of what had happened. " ... Daniel must have reclaimed control over his body for a moment. He ... he begged me to shoot him." Jack had to stop his report. The vivid memory of Daniel's pleading eyes burned his soul. Jack knew the picture would haunt his dreams for a very long time.
The general gave him all the time he needed, scribbling on his notepad.
"I shot, hitting his shoulder. He fell back against the electric control box behind him and hit a live wire. That was all."
"Very well, Colonel. Your report confirms the reports from the other men. You said the Goa'uld extended some form of mind control over you or at least tried to?"
"Yes, sir. I don't exactly know what it was, but all of a sudden, I wasn't opposed to the idea of letting him go any more. Dr. Frasier experienced a similar or even stronger control."
"Yes. One of the guards from the infirmary reported it had been Dr. Frasier who rendered him unconscious with a syringe. He hadn't expected it from her so he reacted far too late. You know what that means?"
"Oh God!" Realization dawned on Jack. "If the Goa'uld can control minds other than the host's, we have to be extra careful in the future. No one’s ever reported the Goa’uld being capable of something like this. Teal'c certainly never said anything before. However, he seems to know something about it. He warned me the Goa'uld could cloud people's minds."
"I would like to debrief Teal'c next."
Jack interpreted this as a dismissal, but he was not ready to go. "Permission to be present when Teal'c gives his report, sir."
The general hesitated, but then he nodded. "I don't think that should be a problem. All of you will have to give another report of the incident later on anyway. Would you mind fetching Teal'c? My aide went home a couple of hours ago."
Teal'c's report basically was the same as Jack's. The Jaffa had a keen eye for details and left nothing out. He clearly stated what he had seen and never once referred to second hand information. Soon he came to the part about what happened in the control room.
"Thank you, Teal'c. That was a very thorough report. One question though. You mentioned you realized that the Goa'uld was able to extend some form of mind control over Colonel O'Neill. Why have you never mentioned the Goa'ulds are able to do something like that?"
Teal'c was quiet for a moment. "There are legends among the Jaffa, legends about extremely powerful Goa'uld that have the ability to cloud men's minds. They are feared by the system lords. They threaten their power. If one is found, it is hunted down and killed. There can't be more than a handful in existence, and they are usually very careful not to show their powers. The Goa'uld inside Daniel Jackson must be one of those."
"So, it's not very likely we will ever encounter another one of those?" Jack asked before the general could.
"No. As I said, they are rare. Until now, I had thought them to be mere legends."
"For my taste, there are far to many of your legends out there which turn out to be real, Teal'c," Jack said with a weak grin. "Remember that Unas guy on Thor's planet? Maybe we should make a collection of those Jaffa legends so the next time we know what we are running into. Daniel would love ... " Before Jack could finish the sentence, he broke off. Daniel might never again do anything like that.
For a moment Teal'c looked at him as if to check if he would be okay.
Jack swallowed. He nodded slightly to show he had himself back under control.
"All right, Colonel, Teal'c. This will be all for now. You can return to the infirmary. Please send Captain Carter here as soon as she is ready."
Jack saluted, and they stepped out of the door.
**********
After the debriefing, Jack must have fallen asleep, slumped into a plastic chair from hell. When the door of the infirmary opened and a very tired looking Dr. Frasier stepped out, he shot up, immediately awake.
"How is he?" he blurted before he even could take in the smile on Frasier's face.
"He will be fine, colonel. Don't worry," she said, her smile now encompassing SG-1, who were gathering around her.
"He will be fine?!?" Jack asked, disbelief clearly written in his eyes. Somehow, he had been sure Frasier would tell him Daniel had lost the fight and was dead, just like another fight which had been lost two and a half years ago.
"He will be all right. The Goa'uld is dead, killed by the current Daniel was exposed to. It is a small miracle, but the electricity basically fried the parasite, killing it instantly. There wasn’t a complete joining as far as we can tell. We were able to remove the Goa'uld without doing any more damage to Daniel. He should make a complete recovery. With any luck, only a small scar will remain."
"He will be fine!" Jack repeated once more, a wide smile splitting his face. "Can I ... can we see him?"
"You look like you could use some sleep," Frasier evaded Jack's question. "So could I," she added in an afterthought.
"Yeah, sure, but I really would like to see Daniel first," Jack insisted.
Frasier sighed. "He is still heavily sedated and won't wake up for at least a couple of hours. He won't know you are there."
Jack wasn't about to give up.
He needed to see Daniel. He needed to assure himself the linguist was alive. "Doctor, you don't want me to resort to groveling, do you?" Jack asked with half a smile. The urgency in his voice was clearly audible to the red-haired doctor.
"Okay, I give up. But only for a minute and only individually. There are exhausted surgeons in my infirmary. They don't need a whole bunch of overzealous soldiers in there."
There was no question who would go first. Frasier stepped aside, and holding the door open, let Jack in.
The infirmary was in a state of carefully controlled chaos. Though the operation had taken part in the OR adjoining the infirmary, everywhere were signs of a recently fought – and won – battle. In one corner, a doctor slept on a gurney. A nurse was working nearby, making every effort to be as quiet as possible, but Jack couldn't suppress the feeling it would take much more than everyday noises to wake the man up.
At the other side of the room, a bank of monitors were set up. Two of them were switched on, showing a man in a hospital bed. Jack drank in the sight of Daniel. Only now, slowly, was he allowing himself to believe the younger man might survive. Of course, Janet Frasier had no reason to lie to him, but hearing and seeing it were two different things.
Without delay, the doctor led Jack into the room with the sleeping man.
Daniel's face had barely more color than the sheets covering his body up to his chest. An IV went into his right arm, clear liquid dripping slowly from a plastic bag attached to one of the bed posts. From a cap over the middle finger of his hand, an electrical line went to one of the machines standing beside the bed, monitoring his heart rate with a reassuring green line. From where Jack was standing, he could see the bandage on Daniel's neck and shoulder.
"Daniel!" he called out gently.
The young linguist didn't move, but then, Jack hadn't really expected him to.
He stepped over to the bed, picking up Daniel's left hand. It was cold but not as cold as death. Sandwiching Daniel's lax hand between his own, he tried to give it some warmth.
"Daniel," he said again. "I know you can't hear me. Not really. But maybe ... maybe you do. I just want you to know ... whatever happens now. I ... we'll get through it. Together." Releasing the hand, he brushed a strand of Daniel's hair back to where it belonged.
Jack knew only half the battle had been won. Daniel was alive. They still had something to fight for, and if Frasier was right, he even got rid of the Goa'uld. But ... how did somebody cope with being used the way Daniel had been used by the Goa'uld?
It hadn't been Daniel's fault. Jack didn't think so any longer, not after what they learned about the Goa'uld. It must have influenced the linguist from the beginning, sensing Daniel was the perfect victim. Maybe Daniel had thought about testing the drug on himself but never to an extent that he really would have done it. He, better than most, knew the risks involved in such a thing. So, it had nudged Daniel into the direction it wanted him to go. With its powers, it couldn't have been too hard. Probably it thought it would be no problem for it to escape home while hidden in a host. But Daniel had been more than it bargained for. He’d resisted, had even been able to get away from the base to a place Daniel thought it might be safe. Only then had he succumbed to the mind of the Goa'uld.
To Jack, this invasion of the mind was one of the worst things that could happen. Being a prisoner in his own body, forced to watch how it did things you had no control over, feeling helpless and hopeless. It was in many ways like being raped.
They had still a long way to go. He would be there for Daniel and help him every step of the way. Daniel might be a pain in the neck every so often, but he was also a friend, one of the few he had. Jack stood by his friends. Once more, he brushed his fingers over Daniel's hair. He turned and left the room. He needed sleep and wanted to be awake when Daniel came around.
**********
Darkness.
Light.
Coldness.
Warmth.
Drifting through time and space, not being aware of either.
A nightmare or a dream.
Pain.
Nothingness.
**********
Slowly Daniel became aware of his body. His head hurt, a hammering pain which made the throbbing pain from his shoulder and neck pale in comparison. For a while, all he could do was concentrate on his breathing, one breath after another, careful not to move too much. Slowly, he dared to let in other sensations. A weird tingling feeling in his left leg. A steady, electronic beep coming somewhere from his right. The humming of several electronic machines close-by. The gentle touch of cooling air coming from a vent above him. The smell of disinfectant. Hospital. He was in a hospital!
As a patient? If the pain was any indication, he would have to answer the last question with a definite yes. What was he doing as a patient in a hospital? Why was his shoulder, his neck, and his head hurting so much? Where and when and how had he been hurt? He couldn't remember.
He couldn't remember!
Daniel's eyes flew open, and he shot up in the bed.
"Whoa! Danny-boy, calm down!"
A pair of strong hands pressed him back.
For a minute, Daniel looked around, wild-eyed, disoriented. His chest heaved.
"Calm down, willyah! Everything is all right. Calm down!"
Slowly, the voice got through to him and he began to do as he was told. He gave up resisting the hands on his chest and slowly sank back onto the mattress. For a moment, he just lay there, trying to get his breathing under control. "Jack?!"
"The one and only," the older man said with a smile. "Have you calmed down?"
Daniel nodded, and Jack drew back his hands.
"What happened?" Daniel asked, still very much confused.
Jack tilted his head to the side. "What do you mean what happened? Don't you remember?"
"Remember what?" Daniel wished Jack would answer his question instead of asking new ones.
Jack frowned. "You don't remember?" he asked again, his eyebrows almost near his hairline.
"Jack, please. Tell me what happened. Why am I here?" pleaded Daniel, getting agitated again. "What is this?" He pointed with his free hand to the bandage over his right shoulder and the right arm that, through a miracle, hadn't lost the IV.
"One moment. I'll be right back." Jack went to the door, opened it and stuck his head outside. "Dr. Frasier, he's woken up!" he called before returning to Daniel's bedside.
"Jack!" Daniel tried again, but before the Colonel could say a word, the door opened to admit Janet Frasier.
"Hello, Daniel. How are you feeling?" She smiled, pulling out a tiny flashlight.
"I'm all right ... I think. But ... somehow I can't remember what happened to me. Jack won't tell me a thing."
Frasier exchanged a glance with Jack, who gave her a worried look. While Frasier began to shine a light in first one eye then the other, she asked him: "Can you move your hands and feet?"
Angry that the doctor wouldn't answer his questions, he sighed. "Yes, I can move my hands and feet," he said, annoyed. Why wouldn't they answer? Why did Frasier doubt his ability to move his extremities? His shoulder hurt, not the rest of his body. There was still a tingling feeling in his leg, but it could be because it had fallen asleep ...
Daniel decided he would play along for now, but if he wouldn't get answers soon, he would ... well, he didn't know what he would do, but he wouldn't be happy. Closing his eyes for a second, he tried to recall what had been the last thing that happened before he woke up here. "We came back from P3X710 the day before yesterday – assuming it’s still Monday."
Nobody reacted to his questioning look. After a moment, he went on.
"I was working on the computer in the control room with Sam when the gate alarm sounded. It was SG-5 returning from P3X812, I think. I remember they had a container with them, and they wanted us to come down to take a look. Sam and I, we went down and ... strange, I don't know what happened next. I ... must have blacked out or something. I don't know." Daniel furrowed his brow, regretting the movement immediately as it did nothing to improve his headache. The pain was like a spike burrowing into his head. He moaned softly.
Concerned, Jack looked at him, but didn't say a word.
"Well, would you mind filling in the blanks? I’d really would appreciate it if somebody could tell me what happened."
"Ahm," Jack said, turning again to Dr. Frasier. "Maybe we should get Dr. McKenzie?"
"Jack!" Daniel almost yelled. "What. Happened?" he asked with a carefully controlled voice, each word formed in a separate sentence.
Slowly, Jack turned back to Daniel. He closed his eyes for a second and sighed. "I shot you," he said in a toneless voice. Before Daniel could say a word, he left the room.
Daniel looked at the closing door, feeling as if his chin was about to make close contact with the floor. "Jack!" he called. By then, the door had already closed. He turned to Dr. Frasier. "Jack shot me?" he asked, not quite believing what he had heard. Jack wouldn't lie, not about something like this.
Janet Frasier sighed too. "He had to. He didn't want to, but he had to. He saved your life by doing it," she explained slowly.
"He had to shoot me to save me?" Daniel asked, even more confused than before.
"I'm sorry, Daniel, but I can't tell you more right now. Not before I've spoken to Dr. McKenzie. There are a battery of tests we need to perform. You ... there have been some things happening to you, and we want to make sure you're all right now." Frasier sounded honestly apologetic. "I hope you understand."
Now, it was Daniel's turn to sigh. He didn't understand. Why would Jack shoot him to save him? What had happened? He didn't have a clue, and he wanted to know. It was obvious he wouldn't get any more information from Frasier now. So, he nodded and let her have her way.
**********
"He doesn't remember anything?" General Hammond asked in surprise, looking up at Jack who stood at attention in front of his desk.
"No, sir. Nothing from the moment SG-5 came through the gate with the Goa'uld till he awoke in the infirmary two hours ago. It's as if he blanked out everything that had to do with the Goa'uld and his take over by it."
"And you're sure it's really Dr. Jackson? Nothing is left of the Goa'uld? This is not a trick to fool us to believe it’s gone?" The general voiced Jack's deepest fear.
Jack hesitated a moment then he nodded. "Yes, sir, it's Daniel. They are testing him right now, but the preliminary report is nothing of the parasite is left."
"We thought that before."
Jack nodded. "But we didn't give Major Kawalsky a CT scan after the operation, thinking the thing we removed from his spine was everything. There is nothing inside Daniel which wasn’t there before."
"At least, there's some good news," the general smiled.
"Only, ... what are we going to tell him? He wants to know." Jack looked at his feet.
"What does Dr. McKenzie say?"
"He thinks Daniel's subconscious has suppressed the memories as protection. One day, he might remember on his own, but until then ... Knowing Daniel, he won't give up. He wants to know."
The general nodded. "I don't think we should hold anything back. He's a victim in this too. I don't like leaving my people in the dark."
Jack nodded. It would be a difficult conversation, but he knew he had to be the one to tell Daniel.
**********
Daniel had had no idea there were so many different medical tests. For three hours, the medical staff of the SGC prodded and poked him, drew blood by the gallon – or at least so it seemed -- subjected him to a CT scan, a MRI, an ECG, and a battery of other tests, half he’d never heard of. In-between tests, Dr. McKenzie asked tons of questions, some to test his memory, some to test his psychological well being. Daniel got the impression the medical staff was absolutely thrilled he was in as good a condition as he was. Not that he was terrible sorry he was fairly well now that the headache began to get better, but this was ridiculous. It was as if no one expected him to be alive at all. One thing he found out by eavesdropping was besides having caught a bullet, he also had been on the receiving end of a hefty electrical shock. His heart had stopped, and they had to resurrect him with a cardiac defibrillator. This explained why nobody was really surprised when he said his left leg was kind of numb. After he had proved he could wiggle his toes and feel it when somebody poked them with a needle, they said it should pass in time.
During the examination, he realized if he’d been hurt, others might have been hurt as well. He asked Dr. Frasier about Sam and Teal'c, but she assured him they were both fine. After three hours, they finally had enough testing. Daniel was exhausted by then, and he was more than glad to take a short nap, forgetting for the moment his need to know what had been going on.
When he awoke, his friends waited at his bedside.
"Hello, sleeping beauty. Feeling rested?" Jack said, a smile on his face. Strangely enough, the smile didn't reach his eyes.
Daniel smiled back, glad to see for himself that Sam and Teal'c were well. Teal'c had a bandage wrapped around his right upper arm but otherwise seemed to be okay.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Daniel answered Jack's question. "Have they decided if I will live after all?"
"Maybe. Doctor Frasier said they would like to do some more tests ... " Jack joked, ignoring Daniel's grimace.
"Please, no more tests!" the linguist groaned. "I had enough tests to last me a lifetime ... or even longer. I don't think there is any blood left in my body."
"I was just joking. No, everybody is more than satisfied by the outcome."
"Whatever it really was," Daniel muttered with a sigh. By now, he almost had gotten used to the fact nobody wanted to tell him anything. Almost.
Jack grew serious. "So, you still don't remember?" he asked softly.
Daniel shook his head. "There is nothing but a big, empty hole as if I've been asleep or something. I figured out today is Thursday, and I’ve lost three days but how and why ... " He didn't finish the sentence.
Jack sighed. "It might be better if you don't remember," he said, holding up his hand when he saw Daniel opening his mouth to protest. "But knowing you, you won't give up until somebody tells you. So, we decided to tell you everything we know."
Daniel's eyes searched one face after another. He didn't like what he saw. Something really bad must have happened. He probably screwed up seriously though he was totally in the dark how. Yet, if he had done something really, really bad, he was fairly sure he wouldn't just sit here in the infirmary, but be in the brig.
Jack and Sam looked more concerned for him, not really seriously angry. He knew the difference only too well. As usual, Teal'c was hard to read. So, something bad had happened to him. Jack had shot him in the shoulder. In his book, that certainly qualified as bad. However, Janet had said Jack had done it to save him. Suddenly, what could be the only logical explanation for his situation dawned.
Daniel’s eyes widened. He looked again from one to another. His left hand slowly crept up to the back of his neck, to the place a Goa'uld would enter. The bandage prevented him from touching the skin, but still he could feel the flesh was tender to the touch beneath the wrappings. He couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it before. "W I invaded by a Goa'uld?" he asked, almost in a whisper, his eyes fixed on Jack's face, fear written in them.
The colonel looked away for a moment, clearly not comfortable. He nodded. "SG-5 brought an almost fully matured Goa'uld larva back from P3X812," he began in an almost toneless voice. He gave Daniel the whole story, letting Sam or Teal'c take over at times.
After they finished, no one spoke. Daniel had to digest what he had heard, and the others clearly felt uncomfortable.
Even after they told him what happened, Daniel still couldn't remember a thing. It was almost like it happened to a totally different person. He believed them. There was no reason not to and besides why would they lie to him? Still ...
At least it seemed, for a change, it hadn't been his fault. Granted, he had been very interested in the serum so much so he might even have thought about volunteering to test it on himself. It was fascinating and intriguing. If the serum worked, it would be a big step towards freeing Sha're from the Goa'uld inside her. Yet, he never ever would have done it for real. Ultimately, he hated the Goa’uld too much to ever let one get close to him. The mere thought made him shudder. Thinking how one had been inside him body gave him the creeps.
"Are you sure, it's gone for good?" he asked in the ensuing silence. What if they only thought they successfully removed it? Daniel didn't feel any foreign presence, but Kawalsky hadn’t hadn't felt anything either as long as the Goa'uld didn't do something. Even after they had supposedly removed the Goa'uld, Kawalsky had been under its control.
What if it was still there, somewhere in his mind, waiting patiently for the moment it could take him over again? What if the next time he really hurt someone? seriously? Kill a friend maybe? He'd rather die then allow that to happen.
"Why do you think they subjected you to so many tests? The docs are quite sure it's gone for good. Not even the tiniest bit is left. You are as normal as you are likely ever get." The last Jack said with a wry grin. His eyes shown compassionately, and he laid a supporting hand on Daniel’s shoulder, squeezing it firmly.
Daniel forced himself to grin as well, but somehow he got the feeling the others didn't buy it. He wouldn't have. Could they ever be one hundred percent sure? Could they really ever trust him again? Could he ever trust himself again?
During the last year, the people of SG-1 had become as close to him as family. They had accepted him, the geek, who was driven by the need to find his wife and free her. They supported him in his quest. Sometimes it seemed as if Jack couldn't care less, Sam was only interested in her science, and Teal'c usually didn't show any emotions. Yet, these three had grown to be his friends.
Jack who, though he hadn't really wanted to, had taken him on the first mission to Abydos. Daniel had a very clear idea what the colonel had thought of him back then, and it hadn't been very favorable. In the end, he had let him stay with Sha're, giving him a year with her. The memory of that year was sometimes all that kept him going, giving his quest a focus. When they returned to Earth, Jack had given him a place in SG-1, enabling him to continue his quest, even if once in a while he knew he drove Jack crazy. Daniel didn't know where he would be without Jack, probably in an asylum somewhere, mad with grief and the inability to do anything to find Sha're. Jack had become a close friend, somebody to trust, to hang out with, to have fun with. More importantly, he was also somebody to set his head straight when he stepped over the line. Daniel knew he needed somebody like that when he forgot everything when something interested him. Jack was somebody who could tell him the truth no matter what, pull his chain when he went too far, and basically keep him alive.
Sam, on the other hand, was very easy to be with. He always had a little problem relating to women, but Daniel felt comfortable around her. She was a brilliant scientist and an excellent soldier, somebody to rely on when the chips were down. She was fun to be with, and though she was the only one who had no personal stake in their missions, she could be trusted to stand at his side, no matter what. She was a friend, too, and sometimes it was easier to talk to her than to Jack.
That he got along so well with Teal'c was nothing short of a miracle. They had had the worst possible start imaginable. As first prime, it had been Teal'c's task to kill all the prisoners in the dungeon that day on Chulak, the members of SG-1 included. But Teal'c, weary of all the injustice and wrong doings on the part of the people he had thought of as gods for all his life, had listened to Jack. He’d turned on his own people, saving Daniel and the others in the process. Since then, Teal'c had been the most loyal friend imaginable. Daniel had long forgiven him for his part in choosing Sha're to be the host for the snake-god's queen, knowing the Jaffa would do anything to bring her back to him. It was not easy to be a friend to Teal'c as the tall warrior usually showed little emotion and was not easy to talk to. Yet, Daniel knew he could be trusted.
Trust! In the end it all came down to trust. He trusted his friends, but could they ever trust him again? He searched in their eyes and there he found the answer he was looking for. They would be with him no matter what! Even if he should suddenly turn back into a Goa'uld, they would help him get through it. With support like that, how could he not win?
**********
Epilogue
**********
It was a wonderful early summer day in Escalante. It had rained during the weekend, but the clouds were gone. A clear, blue sky spanned the red mountains and the green forest. Jack had driven Daniel to Utah to pick up his car which had been found in the mountains, stuck in a snow field and been towed last Friday to a small garage in town. Originally, Daniel had insisted he would get there on his own, that Jack shouldn't bother. The older man insisted. After some
Time, Daniel had given in. He probably wouldn't have been allowed to travel on his own anyway. The memories of what had happened such a short while ago were too fresh. It surprised him when General Hammond hadn't forbidden him to leave the base.
He knew Jack remained a little worried the Goa'uld would somehow return. Daniel couldn't blame him. For the last three nights, he woke, drenched in sweat, panting, but never remembering what he dreamt about. He had a vague memory of being trapped, suffocating, dying.
He still had no recollection of the three missing days, and he wondered if he ever would remember. On one hand, it drove him crazy he had lost these days. On the other, he wasn't sure he wanted to remember.
He had had a session with Dr. McKenzie. The psychologist had told him either the Goa'uld had taken away his memory -- though this didn't explain why he couldn't even remember the moments he had been in control -- or that his subconscious had decided it was better for him not to remember. Daniel didn't know which of the two was true. He just wanted to put it all behind him.
Even when they drove up to Stefanie's house, no memory of having been here the last week returned. He remembered the house of course as he had been here when Stefanie and Peter had married, but back then the house had been freshly painted and the flowers in front were carefully cared for. Now the house looked like it desperately needed a new layer of paint and the flowers were gone, replace by weeds and grass.
They left the cars parked at the curb and stepped up to the front door. Daniel was not happy to have Jack with him, but he knew he had no choice. The project being as top secret as it was, he preferred the colonel to a guard he didn't know so well. Ringing the doorbell, Daniel turned back to Jack. "Maybe I should have called to announce us," he said with a weak smile, but then the door opened, and there she stood.
For a moment, neither one said a word. Stefanie wore a simple T-shirt and a loose fitting pair of blue jeans. Around her neck, where Daniel's hand had grabbed her, black and blue marks stood out in sharp relief to her white skin. Daniel winced when he remembered he was responsible for those marks.
"Hi Steffi!" he greeted her with an embarrassed smile.
His foster sister studied him closely, then a wide smile spread over her face and she flung herself into his arms. "Daniel! You're okay!" she exclaimed joyfully.
Daniel closed his arms around her, burrowing his face in her hair.
He was okay! With his sister there and his friends on his side, he would get through everything life would throw at him. The feeling of being safe and ... home, for the lack of a better word, flooded through him. He looked up and saw Jack standing there, smiling. Daniel knew he could rely on his friend to be there to guard him, no matter what would come.